The Monocouple and St. Paddy's Day Embarrassment

We all know one. The monocouple. How can this contradiction exist, you ask?

Because by some horrible, horrible force, two people who were otherwise normal individuals who just happened to be in a relationship melted together into one mass.

Yes, the monocouple. The Olsen twins of the relationship world -- they look alike, dress alike, finish each other's sentences. The change may be subtle at first. Take, for example, my friends Keisha and Karl (names have been changed to spare embarrassment). A happy couple, dating for a few months.

Nothing unusual.

I started taking note of the couple's outfits. The two didn't dress garishly similar, like wearing airbrushed T-shirts featuring each other's undying love scrawled in neon, but it still looked like they were calling each other every morning, or at least had E.S.P. Karl would wear a green track jacket, Keisha a blue one. Karl would wear distressed jeans, Keisha a distressed jean skirt.

And just like that, Karl and Keisha became a single individual. Much more than the Olsen twins, these two were fully conjoined. Most of my encounters with the two went like this:

ME: Hey, Keisha, want to hang out tonight?

KEISHA: No, Karl and I have a date tonight.

ME: But you've had a date every night this week. In fact, you're on a date now.

KEISHA: Sorry.

Or:

ME: Hey Karl, you wanna go to lunch after class?

KARL: Okay. (Minutes later, Keisha shows up out of nowhere, as if she's got a wire on Karl).

KEISHA: Ooh, are you two going to lunch? I'm craving a burger.

ME: But I hate fast food. (Both Keisha and Karl leave together, and I am left alone and hungry).

So as you can see, being a part of a monocouple can alienate your friends.

Sometimes we don't want the whole package deal, we just want you -- especially when we aren't close to your significant other in the first place.

But this type of relationship also hurts yourself, and your partner. How can you learn all about someone if they become you? And for that matter, how can you learn about yourself? Your partner is supposed to be a separate entity, not an extra arm or leg. Why bother talking to a person when you're only talking to yourself?

Checking my calendar, I can see that St. Patrick's Day is fast approaching, which can either be an enriching activity for a couple or a day of much misunderstanding. Now, people in relationships can testify that their partner does some pretty embarrassing stuff. Dancing for public or private use is a common source of humiliation for the non-dancing partner. A craving to collect every single Battlestar Galactica Limited Edition Figurine through whatever means necessary is enough to make any girlfriend (or boyfriend, nerdiness is not limited to the sexes) cringe. But we accept these dorky traits because we love the person.

St. Patrick's Day is a time when your usually normal, rarely embarrassing partner can stumble home from the pub crawl, singing about Blarney stones or Patrick O'Malley O'Grady or whatever even though you know they couldn't even point Ireland out on the map. And what normal person wouldn't be angry after hour two of scrubbing green-tinged vomit from the grout between the bathroom tiles?

But unless your partner is a complete alcoholic (which, if this is the case, you should be looking beyond a relationship advice column written by a college student in a free magazine for help), this is one day out of the year when you should be exercising a little more patience than usual for your inebriated better half. It's like getting mad at someone for eating too much candy on Halloween or being too jolly during the holidays. Chances are, unless your partner is part of the new temperance brigade (or Straight Edge, whichever you prefer), they're gonna drink a bit during the holiday. And as long as they're safe about it, why get angry?

After all, they stopped making fun of you for your Star Wars sheet set (complete with original Yoda pillowcase, thank you!).

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~ Questions for Nicole about your relationship or lack of one? E-mail her at offrelationships@hotmail.com. Confidentiality guaranteed -- we'll make up a stupid name for you, don't worry.