The great sweat-off

I don't see how you could possibly gain your freshman 15 at Southeast. In fact, I think I've lost weight.

Maybe it's due to the considerable increase in humidity that's made me sweat for no apparent reason at all.

For instance, the other day I made my way from my residence hall to my car which, from the building, is probably around 300 feet away. By the time I got behind the wheel, beads of sweat were already making their way down my face, and the car itself was as hot as an Easy Bake Oven.

So you can imagine the sheer enjoyment I have making my way to Johnson Hall from New Hall. For those of you who don't know, Johnson Hall is located clear across campus going toward the Show Me Center while New Hall is located across the street from Pagliai's restaurant in downtown Cape. Now, for those of you who've never eaten there, I recommend it. And for those of you who still don't know where the Show Me Center is, you really just need to be hit on the head with a frying pan.

And for those of you who enjoy me saying, "And for those of you," I've just made you a very happy person.

While ascending the hill one day to get to Johnson Hall, some guy was coming down on his bicycle, not sweating a drop.

"That lucky son-of-a-bird watcher," I told myself. (I really didn't say bird watcher.) That's another thing. If people were ever to overhear the conversations I have with myself walking back and forth to class, they'd most likely think I was crazy. I can't stand silence. I need to hear a human voice at all times, even if it's my own. That's why when I study in the library, I end up making strange screeching sounds to see if anyone will look up.

Another time while descending a hill and desperately trying to get back to my car before I suffered the same fate as the Wicked Witch of the West, I continued repeating to myself, "I wish I could fly ... just float up in the air and get to the car." It's comments like these I make out of humidity-induced insanity that will most likely make me get beat up someday or carried off to an asylum ... or both.

The important thing is, I physically made it past the first week. I can already tell, though, that mentally is going to be a different story. In high school, it would take us a week or two to cover one chapter. The first day here I'm told to read multiple chapters in two days. What happened to the good old days where the class took turns reading out loud? Anyway, I'd better go. I've got math class to go to and getting my rock climbing harness in my back pack is not an easy task.

Sam DeReign is a graduate of Oran High School. Contact him at sdereign@semissourian.com.