Some 'mail-order brides' in Cape Girardeau County have suffered abuse, abandonment

Last week, a 27-year-old woman from Morocco was transported to the Safe House for Women by Cape Girardeau police after her husband left her stranded without money or means of support, according to Safe House staff and police.

The woman's plight marks the third foreign female to come to the organization after meeting her husband on the Internet only to face abandonment when she came to the United States, or, in one case, severe abuse, said Theresa Lumos, a counselor at Safe House.

The first incident occurred about a year and a half ago, when Safe House took in a woman who had been a "mail-order bride" from Bangladesh, Lumos said.

The second time, police discovered the woman, a Turkish foreign bride, was allegedly being repeatedly abused, sexually and physically, by her new husband, and brought the victim to Safe House, Lumos said.

The 36-year-old woman was amazed at the shelter -- she didn't know such a resource was available, Lumos said.

When the woman's family learned of her plight, they sent her money to get a work visa, but her husband confiscated the cash before she could use it.

She eventually fled to the East Coast where there was already a support system of people from her country, and she could have a good chance at earning a living, Lumos said.

Takes dowry, leaves wife

In the most recent example, the man, who lives in Cape Girardeau County, met his future bride online, and her family granted permission for the marriage, Lumos said.

The man went to Morocco for the wedding in spring of 2007, accepted the woman's dowry, and returned home, leaving her behind with the promise to send for her.

By November 2008, he was still telling her to wait, but her father told her she needed to be with her husband and sent her to stay with a cousin living in another state, who in turn sent her to Cape Girardeau last week to find her husband.

When she tracked him down, he told her he was no longer interested and left her by the side of the road in Cape Girardeau city limits, where she flagged down a police car, Lumos said.

She has been staying at Safe House, and may face punishment or even death by "honor killing" for having displeased her husband if she returns to Morocco, Lumos said.

"We don't know what would happen to her, but we know it wouldn't be good," Lumos said.

Safe House has contacted legal aid on her behalf, hoping she is entitled to some manner of support.

Debi Oliver, domestic violence investigator for the Cape Girardeau Police Department, said there is little police can do for women in these types of situations unless there is actual abuse occurring.

"The pattern we're seeing is guys meet these girls online, marry them, get a dowry and are never sending for them," Oliver said.

The system of using online marriage brokers is harmless when it's used by those looking for love and a commitment, Lumos said.

"There's a host of contributing factors," said Colleen Coble, executive director of Missouri Coalition Against Domestic Violence.

An increase in Internet advertising marriage brokers -- some of which may be unregulated -- and more international travel may have all played a role in women being taken advantage of in these situations, Coble said.

Lumos said she doesn't know what a feasible solution to this problem might be.

"We're living in a society that's really into whatever feels good you should be allowed to do, and there's not a lot of regard for other people," she said.

bdicosmo@semissourian.com

388-3635