Sen. Bond gets roasted for Alzheimer's Association

COLUMBIA, Mo. -- Missouri Sen. Kit Bond's reputation for obtaining earmarks and making verbal gaffes were fuel for friends who roasted him to raise money for the Alzheimer's Association.

Bond, a Republican senator and former Missouri governor, is not seeking re-election after 24 years in Washington.

Tickets for the event Saturday night in Columbia cost $100 and went to benefit the mid-Missouri chapter of the Alzheimer's Association. Bond sponsored the "Alzheimer's Breakthrough Act of 2009," which seeks to secure greater funding for research of the disease.

Thomas Payne, dean of the University of Missouri's College of Agriculture, Food and Natural Resources, hoisted a large cardboard cutout of an ATM machine with Bond's face on it in reference to the numerous appropriations Bond helped secure for the school.

Payne claimed he planned to retire along with Bond because he couldn't go out and raise money for University of Missouri projects himself.

"You're the chief purveyor of porcine products," Payne said.

Annie Presley, Bond's former finance director, recounted riding on the campaign bus with the senator. She was the only woman in a group of "potty-mouthed boys," she said.

"Girls don't stick their finger out and say pull it," she said. "They don't organize burping contests, they don't light their farts."

The Columbia Daily Tribune reports there also were warm wishes from former president George H.W. Bush, who sent in a video message, and former first lady Nancy Reagan, who wrote Bond a letter commending his work for Alzheimer's.

Other roasters included former U.S. representative Kenny Hulshof, who said Bond's most recent book about Islam in Southeast Asia was being prescribed to patients with insomnia.

"It's much cheaper than Ambien or Lunesta," Hulshof said.

A video montage of Bond's on-air gaffes also showed an interview in which Bond said of water boarding: "It's like swimming, there's different types like freestyle or the backstroke." The video then showed synchronized swimmers in a pool.

"Maybe we should make water boarding an Olympic sport," Hulshof said.

Joe Moseley, vice president at Shelter Insurance, served as master of ceremonies.

"It's good to know that it was [Bond[']s] grandfather who ran on the same ticket as Abraham Lincoln," Moseley said. "I thought it was Kit."