Scott City girls learn from ‘Safe Dates' program

Someone who's funny, honest, nice to others, older and outgoing were just a few of the traits 13 girls attending a "Safe Dates" presentation said they would like to see in potential partners.

The presentation was put on by Safe House for Women educators Aaron Picar and Molly Woeltje at Scott City High School on Tuesday as part of Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month. Information also was provided about Safe House, the not-for-profit domestic violence shelter, and the services it provides, and about safe and healthy relationships.

Woeltje said exercises such as dating bingo, sharing how they would like to be treated and ways they want to treat a dating partner should help girls think about what they're looking for in a date.

The educators said abusers don't look any particular way and relationships don't start off sour, but they can degenerate into controlling behaviors or abuse.

"I'm 30 and been dating awhile, and I can tell you that the younger you figure out the traits you might like in a person, the better off you are," Woeltje said.

"If you learn these things before time," Picar said, "it'll save you some problems down the road, not just in your relationships, but your friends and family's as well."

In addition to physical harm, Picar said harmful relationships can feature controlling behaviors -- from constant texting to being told what to wear, who to hang out with, and being isolated from friends and family.

What Picar and Woeltje have found through feedback is their programs put words to what they already believe about relationships.

"About one in three American teens age 14 to 20 say they've been of victims of dating violence, and almost one in three acknowledge they've committed violence toward a date," according an article on the American Psychological Association's website. Picar said boys and girls equally victimize and abuse each other and added that bullying, rape and abuse are never the fault of the victim.

He told the girls they are all likely at different points in their dating lives.

"Regardless of where you are, what this does is help you set up relationships that are healthy, fun, safe and respectful because we believe that everybody deserves that," Picar said.

Ninth-grader Kati Blattel and sophomore Leslie Job said the presentation was useful.

"I think that it was really good. I think they got across the point really [well], so if anyone needs help, then they'll help them," Blattel said.

"I thought it was very useful because not a lot of people know about this program, so it's really good to get out to us since we're young," Job said.

rcampbell@semissourian.com

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Pertinent address: 3000 S. Main, Scott City