PROJECT AIMS TO REDUCE DIVORCE

Churches in Cape Girardeau are teaming up in an effort to keep marriages from breaking up.

The Cape Girardeau Ministerial Alliance recently endorsed a community marriage policy that will require couples to undergo four months of marriage mentorship before they can be married in local churches.

Nationally, about half of all marriages end in divorce.

Local pastors hope the policy will help cut down on the divorce rate by opening couples' eyes to the reality of marriage.

Several local churches already have adopted the policy and several others are reviewing it.

Michael J. McManus, whose column "Ethics and Religion" appears in more than 100 newspapers nationally, spoke Thursday night at Westminster Presbyterian Church to clergy and others interested in playing a role in the community effort.

McManus, who lives in Bethesda, Md., has written two books on saving marriages: "Marriage Savers: Helping Your Friends and Family Stay Married" and "Insuring Marriage: 25 Proven Ways to Prevent Divorce."

He and his wife, Harriet, have helped train marriage mentorship couples in their hometown and around the country.

McManus will meet today with members of the ministerial alliance and will host a seminar for mentorship couples Saturday. Call 334-3511 for more information on the seminar.

The community marriage policy, introduced in 1986 by 95 pastors of all Christian denominations in Modesto, Calif., has been adopted in 37 cities nationally, McManus said.

In Modesto, divorces dropped from 1,923 in 1986 to 1,606 in 1995, while the community's population grew from 303,000 to 420,000, he said.

The policy centers on helping couples avoid making bad marriages in the first place, he said.

McManus called the policy a way of "jump-starting reforms that have been proven to work at different stages of the life cycle."

Marriage mentorship couples will be trained in each congregation to meet with engaged couples to help prepare them for marriage and to discuss issues including faith, finances, the roles of men and women in parenting, and communication.

Part of the mentorship process will include couples taking a marriage inventory, a test geared toward spotlighting any differences of opinion the man and woman may have on fundamental issues.

"It can predict with 86 percent accuracy who will divorce," McManus said, adding that about a tenth of the couples who take the inventory end their engagements.

"The process should be rigorous enough that the weak relationships break up on their own," he said.

In addition, the policy calls for churches to offer marriage encounters to help strengthen existing marriages, to establish a "marriage ministry" of couples whose marriages have almost failed, and to work to reconcile couples who have separated or divorced.

McManus said organized religion has, by and large, turned its back on its responsibility to nurture and strengthen the institution of marriage and its role in the Christian faith.

"I think it's gotten to be kind of pro forma," he said. "A lot of churches have gotten to be wedding factories or blessing machines. The church just isn't taking the issue seriously enough."

Roy Jones, director of missions for the Cape Girardeau Baptist Association, said the policy "emphasizes stronger preparation for marriage and stronger support for those who are married through enrichment."

Jones and other local ministers agreed it is time for churches to strengthen their role in supporting marriage.

"The church -- not a church, but the church in general -- has a tremendous power to cut the divorce rate and build healthy marriages," Jones said. "The ministers in this area have agreed that we need to do something to work together to cut the divorce rate in the community."

Some churches already require couples to undergo premarital counseling or education of some kind, he said.

"I've had the experience of talking to some churches and being told, `We already have a policy like this,' but it's stronger," he said.

The Rev. Neil Stein, pastor of Centenary United Methodist Church, said the mentorship process is aimed at helping couples understand just how serious a commitment marriage is.

"We want to help people understand that when they make this vow, they're really entering into an agreement with God as well," Stein said. "The divorce rate speaks to the fact that people need to consider the importance of this vow in their lives in a deeper way."

Stein said his church is reviewing the policy.

The Rev. Jim Caughlan, pastor of Evangelical United Church of Christ, said his church already had a marriage policy, but endorsed the community policy anyway.

"The only real changes that happened were the mentoring and the four counseling sessions," Caughlan said, adding the church previously required three sessions.

The Rev. Miles White, pastor of Westminster Presbyterian Church, said he knows of about 14 churches that have adopted the policy, including his own.

"There are about 35 churches that are going through the process of adopting it," he said. "This is more than just churchy stuff; this is where we live and where we work, and we're looking forward to doing this."

The Rev. Wes Wright, pastor of Mount Auburn Christian Church, said it is important for all of the churches in the community to cooperate on the policy.

"We want to present a united front. We feel very strongly that we have to, for this community's sake, present a united front in helping Christians prepare for marriage in a way that will make it a lasting relationship, a lifelong relationship," he said.

By adopting the policy community-wide, he said, couples won't be able to jump from one church to another to avoid the policy's requirements.