PREVENTING POOR SPORT PARENTS

While Jerry Neels' three sons have played almost every youth sport Cape Girardeau has to offer, he said he has learned a lesson about competition.

Don't sweat it too soon.

"As a younger parent, you feel a lot more competitiveness than as you age," Neels said. "You can get too competitive too early with your children, and end up defeating what you were trying to do in the first place."

As a former board member of the Cape Area Youth Soccer Association, Neels said he has seen many parents who don't know this.

But Neels and others involved in coaching and organizing area youth sports say they have never seen parents' anger erupt into violent anger here.

But violence in youth sports happens elsewhere. The National Association of Sports Officials in Racine, Wis., receives two or three calls a week from officials assaulted by an angry parent or spectator, spokesman Bob Still told the Associated Press.

With between 650 and 800 players in Cape Girardeau Youth Baseball, the potential for conflict always exists, said David Meyr, who has served as league commissioner for about six years.

But fights have never broken out, and heated conflicts requiring suspensions are rare, Meyr said.

"We do well for the number of parents involved," he said.

Parental involvement, as with all youth sports, keeps baseball working in Cape Girardeau, Meyr said. All the coaches are fathers, he said, and some mothers coach, too.

The league, which has players from age 6 to 18, takes steps to avoid uncontrolled anger before it starts.

The 13-member league board reviews each coach every year to see what kind of complaints, if any, were made, Meyr said.

"If we have a coach that we view as a potential problem-maker, we let them know that their position is going to be left open," he said.

Although coaches have the option to appeal the board's decision, they haven't, Meyr said. Only about a half dozen men have been told not to return to coaching by the board, he said.

The coaches know that they are responsible for keeping parents in line when a call goes against their child. If a parent does lose control, it can result in forfeiting a game, Meyr said.

Coaches tend to watch out for teen-age umpires, too. They are often targets of intimidation by pushy parents, Meyr said.

"Usually we have a few experienced coaches who will step in and let the parents know that it wasn't such a critical call as they might have thought," he said.

In area youth football leagues, Neels said the level of conflict is probably less than what he has observed in baseball. All of his sons have played in the Cape Girardeau youth league.

Since the umpire is involved in making a decision in every play, baseball by nature lends itself to more second-guessing and anger by parents, Neels said.

The Cape Area Youth Soccer Association, or CAYSA, tries to dodge difficulties by providing solid instruction to their referees, said Howard Aslinger, a CAYSA founder.

After finishing 20 years with the Cape Girardeau league this summer, Aslinger said he can't recall any fights between parents.

"Exchanges of words is about as bad as it has ever got," he said.

A few coaches have been asked to control themselves better, and those who haven't were dismissed, Aslinger said.

With nearly 700 children playing soccer each season, arguments leading to fights are always a possibility, he said.

"Every year, there are three or four out of 100 who are problem parents," Aslinger said. "About all we can do is hope that they don't end up at the same game."

Connections between boys' basketball and area churches probably have had some influence on parents' sportsmanship in Cape Girardeau, said Mark Duester, who is entering his third year as league organizer.

"Ninety-nine percent of the time, there is not a problem with parents," Duester said.

The league is made up of nearly 60 teams, fielded from boys ranging from second grade to high school seniors.

Of nearly 1,100 parents with children who played in Cape Girardeau's boys' basketball league last season, perhaps three or four were told to calm down, Duester said.

No one was ejected last year, although in the season prior to that one father was banned from games. The man persisted in yelling at his son, telling him what to do during the course of a game, Duester said. The referee asked him to stop, but the father refused.

"We let him know that his child is welcome to play, but he was not welcome to come watch," Duester said.

The basketball league wants parents to know that coaching from the sideline is not permitted, he said.

Generally, a friendly reminder from a coach is all that's needed.

"When some parents lose perspective, we have to let them know that this game isn't for you, it's for your children," Duester said. "As long as the boys have fun, that's all we care about."