Our very long search for grocery store heaven

HE SAID: Callie and I have issues when it comes to customer service at grocery stores.

We have three that we regularly visit, and there are downsides to each one.

Store No. 1: The Teen Can

This is a place that is conveniently located for us. It's about a mile from our home. At first glance it's a nice store, clean with a decent selection of products. I have nothing against teenagers. But you know how they can get when they're left amongst themselves.

My visits usually go something like this: I pull my cart into the checkout lane.

"Hi," Girl 1 says to me without making eye contact.

"Hello," I say.

"So are you going out tonight?" says Girl 1.

I think this is an odd question for a teenage girl to be asking me. Puzzled, I start to respond, then another voice answers.

"I think so. Me and Tommy are going to see a movie," says Girl 2, two aisles over.

"What movie?" asks Boy 1, who is wearing an ugly tie to meet his store's absurd dress code.

Girl 1 is mindlessly scanning my merchandise as if painting her toenails.

"I dunno. You going out?" Girl 1 asks Boy 1.

"Hey, what's the right code for celery?" Girl 1 asks Girl 2.

Girl 2 gives the code.

"Maybe. But I gotta be back to work early tomorrow," Boy 1 replies. He walks away.

My cashier girl stops talking just long enough to discover one of my items has no bar code.

"Do you know how much this was?" she asks me.

"I'm sorry, I don't remember." She begins to pick up the phone for the intercom.

We stand awkwardly waiting for someone, anyone to respond to her call for assistance. Minutes pass. No one responds.

"Forget it," I say.

"Are you sure?"

She asks as though she really cares about my happiness, but she doesn't argue.

I hand her my debit card, and she walks away, for what reason I don't know. Oh yeah, she can't scan my card at her machine. She has to use the one two aisles over. There, she and Girl 2 giggle at some inside joke.

At the Teen Can, customer service is secondary. The first order of business seems to be socialization. If the store can get a few customers through the line, that's an added bonus.

Store No. 2: Discount Depot

The service at Discount Depot is better than the Teen Can, plus everyone wears these round buttons on their smocks that make for interesting reading if you're stuck in line.

From what I've seen, the workers there seem efficient and usually friendly. The issue isn't so much with service as it is principles and crowds.

EVERYBODY goes to Discount Depot. Not just for groceries. But for windshield wipers. And lamps. And salad tongs. It's a one-stop shop, but the lines are usually long.

The aisles are crowded with oversized carts. Saturday afternoons they are like an ant colony crawling with gatherers. The Discount Depot is a large chain that pays its workers poorly to keep merchandise costs down. The Discount Depot is also known for forcing manufacturers to sell their products so cheaply that said manufacturers have had to find a cheaper workforce overseas.

Store No. 3: High Brow

Then there's store No. 3, a place I shall call the High Brow.

It's about 12 miles away. It's the best store in the area. The lines are usually short, and the bag boys will actually offer to carry your groceries to your vehicle.

The Brow carries the widest selection of deli items and fruits and vegetables. It rarely has problems at checkouts. Some of the checkout folks have been there for years. But as you might expect, things cost more there. And who wants to drive 12 miles one way to the grocery store to get milk and eggs?

So how do we decide where we go? We usually, believe it or not, go to the Teen Can because of its location. We go to the Discount Depot only when we have items to buy that cannot be found at the Teen Can. We go to the High Brow if it's a Saturday afternoon and we have to go to Cape anyway. Then we skip supper because we don't have any money left.

cmiller@semissourian.com

335-6611, extension 128