'My whole life has been taken from me,' says husband of Patton shooting victim

PATTON, Mo. — Mickey Ackman has two distinct memories of Dec. 30. He remembers lunch with his wife of 30 years, Pamela, after which he kissed her goodbye and told her he loved her. He remembers coming home hours later, finding her lifeless body in a pool of blood.

"My pastor is a real good friend of mine, and I've got a real good church family and my regular family reaches out and comforts me," he said Tuesday afternoon, the first time he's spoken publicly about his wife's murder. He spoke in a soft voice, at times struggling to get the words out.

"My whole life has been taken from me. If she would have died of natural causes, I'd still have my boys, but seeing as my boys — but seeing as my boys took her from me, I've got nobody," he said.

One of those boys, John W. Wilfong, 17, faces first-degree murder and armed criminal action charges in the shooting of Pam Ackman. She was his cousin and had been his legal guardian since 2003. Wilfong's preliminary hearing is set for 1 p.m. Feb. 17 with Bollinger County Associate Circuit Judge Scott E. Thomsen.

The other boy, a 9-year-old foster child who arrived at the Ackman home in May, has been returned to the Missouri Department of Social Services; state law prevents information on his current care situation from being released.

Wilfong told investigators the younger boy alerted Wilfong when Pamela Ackman's vehicle pulled into the drive.

Mickey Ackman finds it close to incomprehensible that Wilfong aimed a gun at Pam and shot her several times.

"If I've asked myself once, I've asked myself 1,500 times, why? Why did these boys plan this out and intentionally kill her like that? I don't understand," he said. "I was told they both just wanted out. If they wanted out that bad, all they had to do is talk to us and we would have let them go. John was 17 years old. He could have left if he wanted to, and we couldn't have stopped him.

"The 9-year-old, we knew he needed loving and cared for. Sometimes he would be one of the most loving child you'd ever seen ... I can't understand. Yes, he had anger issues, I'm not sure why."

The Ackmans had cared for Wilfong and his two sisters, as well as a host of other children through the years, including a 17-year-old girl, now 34 and the mother of two boys, 11 and 12, who are like grandsons to Ackman.

"They're not flesh and blood, but you can't tell me that," Ackman said.

On top of his grief, Ackman has no insurance to cover the funeral bill, close to $10,000. On Sunday, his grandsons and their mother were burned out of their Jackson home.

Ackman's cousin, Brenda McNeely of Cape Girardeau, set up an account through US Bank to help Ackman address the bills. Patton's business owners put out to collection jars.

One of the jars is at Patton Variety Shop, just south of highways 72 and 51, where people can find "a little bit of everything and a deli," said owner Jason Welker. Pamela Ackman worked in the kitchen most of the time, "but she could do everything," he said. "She was a one-of-a-kind worker and an awesome lady."

After all Ackman's years of preaching and pastoring, of reaching out to comfort others in pain, "it feels strange to get it done to myself," he said.

About 100 people live in Patton. More than 1,000 attended Pamela Ackman's visitation at Liley Funeral Home, said funeral director Michael Liley. They came from as far away as Perryville, Mo. Some were people the Ackmans hadn't seen in 30 years; others were strangers.

He hopes to return Monday to his carpentry job at Mace Construction, "some of the best people I ever worked for."

Staying at mother's home

Unable to spend more than a few daylight hours in his home, Ackman is staying at his mother's house.

"I'm getting stronger and doing better as far as trying to handle this," Ackman said. "It just, you know, is something I'll have embedded in my mind for the rest of my life. It's something I'll have to live with. It'll never be erased."

Ackman is a former pastor at Post Oak Methodist Church in Patton but attends and sometimes preaches at nearby Mount Carmel Missionary Baptist Church. Faith in God and heaven mean more than ever, he said.

"I'm going to look forward to when I go to heaven, because she's there waiting for me, a lot sooner than I thought. I know we've all got a point of time to die. How we choose to die is not our choice, but it has strengthened me. I truly believe because I know she's there. And that's where I want to be."

Donations can be sent to Pamela Ackman Memorial Fund, US Bank, 107 High St., Marble Hill, Mo., 63764.

pmcnichol@semissourian.com

388-3646