MY ONE AND ONLY: FROM CAPE GIRARDEAU TO WHITE HOUSE, MORE FAMILIES ARE OPTING FOR ONE CHILD

One is just right. Michael and Marsha Coffman of Cape Girardeau think so. Their 2-year--old son, Michael, is an only child.

The Coffmans aren't alone. These days, only children can be found everywhere, including the White House. Nationwide, 13 million families, or 20 percent, have only one child living at home, the U.S. Census Bureau says.

The Coffmans made their decision about a year and a half after their son was born.

Marsha Coffman said the decision's permanent. She had her tubes tied.

Her husband has no regrets. "I still think it is a good decision," he said.

The Coffmans say there are many reasons why they don't want a larger family.

"Part of it was health reasons," said Marsha Coffman.

She suffered from premature labor and had to take anti-contraction medicine during her pregnancy. "I spent three months in bed before he was born."

Another pregnancy could have posed similar risks, which could have meant a premature baby.

"We didn't feel we could handle that type of situation," she said.

Their ages and financial considerations also figured into the decision, as did career demands.

"I am getting ready to turn 30. He is already 34," said Marsha Coffman, explaining that they didn't want to have children too late in life.

Husband Michael is an instructor in the industrial technology department at Southeast Missouri State University.

In addition to teaching, he is pursuing a master's degree in electrical engineering at Southern Illinois University-Carbondale. Ultimately, he wants to get his doctorate.

Michael Coffman said that since he's only taking one or two classes a semester, it will take another seven or eight years to reach that goal.

With all of that, Coffman said there's already a lot of demands on his time.

"With multiple children, the time gets split even more," he said.

And raising a child is costly. It's estimated a middle-income family spends, on average, $128,670 raising a child to the age of 18. When college is factored in, the cost is even more.

"It's estimated that to get a child up to age 20 costs about $225,000. That is just the average," said Shelba Branscum, an associate professor in the human environmental studies department at Southeast Missouri State University.

The Coffmans say they can afford to provide more things for their son because he is an only child. "If we were to have two children, that wouldn't be possible," said Marsha Coffman.

She said their son early on had difficulty interacting with other people. "At times, he would act scared of other children," she recalled. "He was scared of other people."

Since August, however, their son has attended the Center for Child Studies at the university two mornings a week. Also, once a week, he spends time in a day-care setting as part of the Mother's Day Out program at Lynwood Baptist Church.

The interaction with other children has helped, she said.

Michael Coffman said that now his son's "around other kids quite a bit."

At one time, it was thought it was bad for a child's development to grow up as an only child. "For a long time, we thought it was really just a bad thing to do to kids," said Branscum, who specializes in child and family issues.

"Now mostly what you see is it is just a real advantage because of the time, energy and resources that can be put into that child," she said.

Studies show that only children benefit from the attention given them by parents. Such children have a strong sense of security and a high level of self esteem, said Branscum.

One 11-year, nationwide study of thousands of high school students found that only children scored better on cognitive test than children with siblings.

Also on the plus side, the new realities of family life have created a less lonely world for only children. In today's working-mother world, many kids spend their days with other children in day care.

"With all the day-care and child-care opportunities that are out there, that (concern about socialization skills) is not much of a variable anymore," said Branscum.

Nationwide, Americans are having fewer children than years ago.

In 1900, the average was 7.4 children. Today, the norm is one to two children, and the number of childless couples is growing, Branscum said.

A major reason for smaller families is "the economics of family life," she said. In many families, the husband and wife both hold down jobs.

"When both parents work," said Branscum, "there is a reduced amount of time and energy that can go into the child-rearing process."

Said Branscum, "The fewer the number of children, the less complex life is."

A child can also make a big dent on the family budget.

With parents struggling to juggle careers and children, the marital relationship often suffers, she said.

Branscum said the advent of the birth control pill in the 1950s also has played a part in couples deciding to have fewer children.

"That had a marked impact on our ability to control and plan to a large degree the number of children we wanted," said Branscum.