Mother, young son endure deaths of close family, seek best together

At 9 a.m. Nov. 30, 2019, Katrina Luttrull kissed her two stepsons, son and husband goodbye before they left for their grandmother's house. By 9:15, water had flooded the family's 2004 Ford Explorer. Katrina never saw her stepsons alive again.

It's been a year and six months since the boys, who were 5 and 8 years old at the time, were fatally injured after the Luttrull's vehicle was swept into Little Whitewater Creek in Bollinger County.

Each of the more than 540 days since the boys died has been a struggle, Katrina said. Yet, she and her 4-year-old son, Lucas, are determined to continue on, she said.

Katrina and Lucas live in Oran, Missouri. On the day the Luttrull family's car swept into Little Whitewater Creek, Katrina knew something was wrong when her husband, Jake Luttrull, didn't return home within an hour.

"I guess it was a mom instinct," Katrina said. "I didn't know what it was, but I knew something happened."

Katrina drove along County Road 365 until she stopped at a bridge about a quarter mile from where her family lived.

"I barely got down the road when I saw two people standing in the middle of it," Katrina said. "I just knew they were there because of them."

By the time Katrina got to the scene, Jake was out of the water. Rescue teams didn't arrive until 11:52, according to the Missouri State Highway Patrol.

Katrina's husband, Jake Luttrull, was driving the vehicle when flash floodwaters swept it off the roadway.

Jake had a diving accident a few years prior to the day of the flood that left him partially paralyzed. He could stand and bear weight for a couple of minutes but couldn't walk, according to Katrina.

Jake managed to pull Lucas out of the vehicle and get him out of the water, but not his other two boys.

Katrina said Jake already dealt with depression because of his spinal cord injury. After he had to bury two of his sons, the depression became much deeper.

Jake got to a point where he couldn't handle guilt anymore according to Katrina.

On Feb. 7, Jake took his own life. Katrina found him.

"I can't unsee it," Katrina said. "I think about it all the time and want to slap him, but I gotta move on, no matter how hard it is."

Keeping their memories alive

At Scott City Park, Katrina watches Lucas run and play. He pretends to ride a plastic spring horse like a cowboy, with one hand on a handle and the other in the air. She laughs.

"I see Jake and the boys in Lucas every day," Katrina said.

There are three things that keep Katrina going: Lucas, God and her friends.

She doesn't remember much about the day she found Jake, but what she can recall is the way her sister-in-law, Hannah Gadberry, showed up at the apartment to comfort her.

"I remember her hugging me, and I just melted into her," Katrina said. "It was the best hug in the world. I never wanted to let go."

Amber Ludwig, a close friend of the Luttrulls, remembers Jake as a "loveable goofball," a jokester who playfully picked on people.

Amber used to talk through Jake's depression with him. She'd answer his calls and try to help him see every side of a situation, good and bad.

Now, Amber watches as Katrina works to give Lucas a normal, happy life.

"Her determination to create the best life they can have is amazing," Amber said.

There are days when Katrina doesn't want to get out of bed, she said, but for every bad thought, she tries to think of at least two positive things.

She thinks of Jake's smell, how he's no longer suffering. She brainstorms ways to somehow take all that happened and make something good of it.

On March 21, the day that would have been her eldest stepson's 10th birthday, Katrina walked out on her porch to have a moment alone when a feather landed between her toes. It reminded her of a myth she once heard about cardinal feathers, and how if one lands near you, it's a sign a passed loved one is near.

"But this was the ugliest, most discolored, matted, nasty feather I'd ever seen in my life, and I laughed hard," Katrina said. "That had to have been Jake, because that's something he'd do -- try to make me laugh."

Jake called Katrina the night before he died to say goodnight. Katrina said his last words to her reverberate in her mind.

"Our thing was, 'I love you always and forever and for all eternity,'" Katrina said as she watched Lucas play at Scott City Park. "We'll see them all again one day."