In the open

Coming out in Cape Girardeau would have been social suicide for Danielle Hamm.

Andy Alberson, who was born and raised on a rural Cape Girardeau County farm, wasn't sure how his parents would react to a gay son.

And when James Coley and Eldon Nattier moved here from St. Louis about five years ago, they were told Cape Girardeau wasn't ready for two men in a relationship to open a bed and breakfast.

"We were told we would have to go back in the closet," Coley said.

That wasn't the case for Coley and Nattier, who have been in a domestic partnership for more than 13 years. Their business ventures have been extremely successful despite the discouragement they faced when moving to the area.

The two opened the Rose Bed Inn at 611 S. Sprigg St. in July 2001. Since then, they've bought and renovated several homes in the same block of South Sprigg Street.

"None of that stuff we heard when we first got down here is the truth. Cape has been very open to us," Coley said.

Southeast Missouri has historically been a conservative area where issues affecting the gay community aren't typically discussed. But at the Cape Club Complex, same-sex marriage and alternative church services are hot topics of conversation.

Club owner Jeff Robinson moved to the area more than a year ago. When he arrived, the 58-year-old had no plans of opening a nightclub. But "there wasn't enough offered in the community -- and I'm talking about the gay community," he said.

Robinson doesn't want the Cape Club Complex to be labeled a "gay bar." He refers to it as an "alternative club." He also plans to hold alternative church services at the club by September.

Today, Robinson will meet with Cape Girardeau's city attorney in hopes of starting nondenominational church services Sunday evenings. Evangelical United Church of Christ Pastor Randy Heckman said he will lead the services to "reach out to people who feel they've been alienated by established religions."

Heckman explained that the United Church of Christ denomination accepts the gay community.

Robinson said he's always been a spiritual person and wants to establish a service for others to practice their spirituality. He credits 90 percent of his recovery from cancer as the work of God.

In 1999, Robinson was diagnosed with stage four colon cancer. At one point, doctors gave him three to six months to live. He's still battling cancer and receives chemotherapy every couple of weeks.

Because of his spiritual upbringing, coming out was difficult for Robinson. "Being gay in my religious upbringing wasn't accepted, but I realized at a very early age I was different. Even when I was an adult I hadn't come out. The term gay wasn't even used," he said.

During college Robinson tried to turn off his feelings for men. He married a woman, had two children and stayed faithful until his wife's death in 1990. "After she passed away with cancer, I made the conscious decision that I was going to be who I am," Robinson said.

Hamm also knows the difficulties of coming out of the closet.

The 28-year-old was born and raised in Cape Girardeau. Throughout high school, Hamm knew she was a lesbian but kept her sexual preference to herself.

"I didn't come out in Cape. That would have been social suicide. If you have the strength to do it, you are more brave than the majority of people," she said. "It's hard to come out here. People aren't as open and accepting to the gay community."

After high school, Hamm moved to Florida to attend college, a place where she could be open about her sexuality and felt socially accepted. She moved back to the area after college. Hamm said it hasn't been easy but has the support of family and friends.

"People are very judgmental here. But we are just like everyone else," she said.

For Alberson, coming out wasn't as difficult as he thought it would be. "I had a preconceived notion that it was going to be extremely difficult. Surprisingly, it wasn't," he said. "You don't expect a gay son to come out of a farming family, but my parents have been very supportive."

Alberson and his partner, Tony Guzman, have been domestic partners for almost five years. The couple owns a salon in Sikeston and several rental properties.

Both men have strong feelings about the same-sex marriage issue.

"That's one thing we as U.S. citizens are denied. We pay our taxes and support our community. Because my love is for another man and not a woman, I'm denied the right to be married," Guzman said.

Alberson believes same-sex marriage will be legal someday. "I think it's headed in that direction," he said. "There's a big opposition right now, but with opposition there's change."

jfreeze@semissourian.com

335-6611, extension 246