`I FOUND A WAY TO DIE, I SUPPOSE'

FREDERICKTOWN -- Former lawyer Marshall Shain battled alcoholism before getting hooked on methamphetamines.

"I have always had sort of an addictive personality," said Shain, 46.

These days Shain has lots of time to reflect on what went wrong: Last month he began serving a one-year jail sentence in the Madison County Jail.

In many ways, Shain has always lived on the edge.

With rock 'n' roll bands he used to sing of jail breaks and drugs.

He bought his first guitar at the age of 10 at a pawn shop in St. Louis for $16. But he grew up knowing that he was to be the attorney in the Shain family, a prominent banking family in Fisk.

Shain played his first professional gig in 1966 at a Poplar Bluff club called the Psychedelic Comic Book. He played in a rock 'n' roll band that performed at area night clubs during his four years as a student at Southeast Missouri State University.

He graduated from Southeast in 1972 with a bachelor's degree in political science. He received his law degree in 1975 from the University of Tulsa's School of Law.

At one time he worked for a record company in Nashville, Tenn. He had a dozen songs published and several recorded.

He was the lead singer and rhythm guitarist for a local band called Hustutler after graduating from law school. The hard-rock band featured vulgar language and deafening sounds. Shain described himself back then as "the crazy one in the band."

"It was pretty vulgar as a rule," Shain told the Southeast Missourian in June 1978.

He quit the band after a year to join a law firm in Puxico.

"I started getting real tired of the crazy, fast life," Shain said.

He was hired as an assistant prosecuting attorney in Cape Girardeau County in September 1977.

"The emphasis of rock 'n' roll is to have a good time," he said. One of the band's songs was about driving a truckload of marijuana to Boston.

Drugs were a part of the rock 'n' roll life. Shain said he was around people who smoked marijuana, but he didn't smoke it himself.

"It's hard to play rock 'n' roll and not be exposed to marijuana. I don't agree with marijuana laws; I have a hard time prosecuting them," he said in 1978.

Three years later, in 1981, Shain was treated for alcoholism in Little Rock, Ark. The 21-day treatment worked, said Shain.

"I didn't touch a drop of alcohol or controlled substances for 13 and one-half years," Shain said.

Shain talked about his addictions from behind bars of the Madison County Jail in Fredericktown.

Shain said he became addicted to methamphetamine after his divorce a few years ago. His two daughters now live with his ex-wife.

Shain said he couldn't cope with not having his children around. "I found no way to live. I found a way to die, I suppose," said Shain.

Shain said he wanted to lose weight when he realized he would be returning to the dating scene. He went to a party where a friend offered him methamphetamine. "I tried a little line. It made me feel good," he said.

Shain became addicted to the drug. He ended up injecting it into his veins as the addiction worsened.

Shain opened his own law firm in Cape Girardeau in the mid-1980s. The former assistant prosecuting attorney handled mostly criminal defense work.

The drug addiction eventually took over his life. He quit representing clients.

"I was tired of practicing anyway," said Shain. "I never made any money at it; I couldn't collect my fees."

On April 1 he entered the New Era Westwood Center in Poplar Bluff for a three-week treatment program in an effort to kick the drug habit. But Shain didn't like how the center operated. Six days later he left the center and entered Stapleton Treatment Center at Hayti for a two-week treatment program. Sitting in jail, Shain insists he is over his drug addiction.

In an April 28 letter from the Missouri Supreme Court's Intervention Committee to the disciplinary counsel office, chairman Charles Nichols discussed Shain's addiction. Nichols said only time would tell whether Shain wants to recover from his addiction.

Shain said he was sorry for the troubles caused by his drug problem.

"I am very sorry to any clients I may have dropped. I am very sorry to the courts and I very sorry to my family," he said.

"I made other people suffer."

Shain said he hopes his experience can be a lesson for others.

Methamphetamine is a dangerous drug. "It is like a down-hill with ice on it," he said. "It is an awfully small tail wagging on an awfully big dog."

For those using illegal drugs, Shain has a message: "Stop doing it. Leave it alone. It is dangerous, and ultimately you will go to jail."