GULF WAR TRIGGERS MEMORIES; WAR WIDOW ASSISTS FAMILIES OF VETERANS

JACKSON -- The widow of an Air Force pilot, who was shot down during the Vietnam War and whose remains were missing for 22 years, said that the Persian Gulf War has rekindled painful memories.

"It was very difficult when (the gulf war) first started," said Marjorie Gregory, of Jackson. "I cried every day and I couldn't stop watching it. It was like I was reliving everything."

But Gregory said instead of feeling sorry for herself, she has been helping family members of servicemen and women cope with their fears about the war.

Since calling Air Force bases across the Midwest and telling them she wished to counsel family members, Gregory has talked to about 12 such people. One is a Texas woman whose husband was shot down and is still missing.

"They know they're not talking to someone who's reading out of a book," she said. "They're talking to someone who's been there and knows how they feel."

She has also volunteered to talk to support groups, but she says most people find it easier to talk one on one.

Lt. Col. Robert R. Gregory's plane was shot down over North Vietnam on Dec. 2, 1966. He was 34. He had volunteered to go to Vietnam in July 1966, and was flying his 66th mission when his plane disappeared. Marjorie Gregory said he was to return to the U.S. after 100 missions or one year, whichever came first.

He was listed as missing in action and as a prisoner of war until 1973, when the Department of Defense declared him dead. His remains were not returned to the U.S. by the Vietnamese government until June 9, 1988.

Gregory, who was born in Cape Girardeau and graduated from Cape Central High School, was awarded three Purple Hearts, a Distinguished Flying Cross, an Air Medal, a Silver Star and a POW/MIA Medal.

In 1986, Gregory's name was added to the name of the Air Force Training Corps Squadron at Southeast Missouri State University, making it the Roth-Gregory Squadron.

Marjorie Gregory, who has never remarried, said reliving the hurt of losing her husband is not easy. But, she said, it helps others cope with similar situations.

"Whether I cry with them, or just drink coffee with them, they know someone is there for them," she said."

She tells them to never give up hope and to pray a lot. She also tells them to continue to support the president and the troops fighting the war.

"It's just so important for people to be there for the troops, so they know we're behind them," she said. "They feel like they're all alone and any piece of news they get that they're being supported is going to lift their spirits."

Gregory said the country's widespread negative feelings toward the Vietnam War and the soldiers who fought in it contributed to her despair.

"You mentioned Vietnam and everybody kind of put their head in the sand," she said. "It was a dirty word."

Gregory said she is thankful that, so far, the majority of Americans support the gulf war, a feeling that was generally absent during the Vietnam conflict.

"War is never good," she said. "But it is so much more patriotic now than in Vietnam. I'm not saying people aren't going to hurt like I hurt, but it's going to be easier for them because of the support of the country."

Her son, Robert Steven Gregory, of Colorado, and daughter Leslie Gregory, who lives in Miami, have been in close contact with her since the war began. She said she has helped them deal with feelings about their father, who died a hero.

Daily reports of the gulf war usually bring back thoughts of her husband and the Vietnam War, she said.

It was particularly hard for Gregory when American and other allied prisoners were forced to appear on Iraqi television and read statements condemning the war.

"I could tell as soon as I saw them that they had been drugged and abused," she said. "If you're going to get injured when your plane is shot down, you're going to get a broken leg or ankle, not bruises on your face."

She also recalls President Bush's comments concerning those prisoners.

"You can tell when he said it `hit him right in the heart' that he meant it," she said.

She said she feel Bush "went as far as he could go" in trying to negotiate with Saddam Hussein. "I think he gave (Hussein) every chance."

Gregory said she'll never get over the loss of her husband.

"You don't get over someone you lose," she said. "You never get over it. I think trying to help someone else is the only way we can cope."

She fears that as the war progresses, more and more people will know what it's like to lose a loved one in war.

"I think as the war drags on should it drag on people are going to have to be reminded why we're there," she said. "It's not about oil. It's about the brutal aggression of Saddam Hussein. If we don't fight the war over there, sooner or later, we'll be fighting it on our own soil. Nobody wants that."

The feelings of the American people are what she worries most about.

"People can be for the president one day and against him the next," she said. "If there are a lot of casualties, it will be hard to keep their support."