GRANDPARENT SUPPORT UNIT BEING FORMED

CAPE GIRARDEAU -- Frank and Carolyn LaFentres never expected to be raising a baby at a time in their lives when they were beginning to look toward retirement.

But the couple's lives changed dramatically when their eight-month-old grandson was delivered to them Dec. 17. The boy is now living with his grandparents, who have temporary custody.

In the past month, Frank LaFentres has learned a lot about the rights of grandparents, but he said a lot of information is still out there. He hopes to reach other grandparents raising their grandchildren to form a support group.

Anyone who is interested in joining a support group should call LaFentres at 335-4321.

"The AARP says five percent of households in United States are grandparents raising grandchildren," LaFentres said. "And they suspect the actual number to be higher. There is no real way to judge the actual number because a lot of cases are not reported.

"It's a serious situation and a growing situation," he continued. "I'm sure, now with Operation Desert Shield, a lot more grandparents are raising their grandchildren."

"It's one of fastest growing segments," he said, "especially with drugs, alcohol and just hard times."

LaFentres said he never expected to be raising one of his grandchildren.

"You don't realize these things can happen. And when they do, a lot of people don't talk about it. They feel somewhat ashamed that they had to step in and take some action."

LaFentres said he cannot discuss specific details of his grandson's situation because it is pending in court.

His desire for action caused him to step forward and speak out for grandparents' rights.

He will be among panelists at the Friday Community Caring Conference here. A workshop is planned to discuss grandparents' rights.

"I've never been a community activist," LaFentres said. "But I feel there is a lot of information out there which could be shared.

"I didn't realize all the problems you could run into."

LaFentres continued: "Grandparents all of a sudden find themselves in a situation they don't understand. They don't know what their rights are, and in fact they have very few rights."

He said courts often deposit children in the care of their grandparents "because it's cheaper and because grandparents want to help. They have a bigger interest than anyone else. They love their grandchildren.

"But grandparents don't have much of a say as to the disposition of children where they will stay, if they will go back to their parents.

"It's very, very frustrating."

"I think a support group would be good for grandparents," he said. "We are faced with a lot of problems."

For instance," LaFentres said, "I have other grandchildren and they are a little jealous because my grandson stays with us all the time. That's hard to deal with.

"And where my grandson is concerned, I'm not being a grandparent. I'm being a parent. There is a big difference."

"Raising a grandchild means you've got to overhaul your lifestyle," he said.

"I think grandparents need a place to come to get information and a place to just talk. We could provide a place to find legal aid."

Shirley Ramsey, director of the information referral program with Southeast Area Agency on Aging, said, "We are aware of the problems he and other grandparents are facing.

Ramsey said if a support group were formed, her office would provide support.

"Often a grandparent reaches a time in life when they want to do something for themselves," Ramsey said. "Then they are faced with raising a whole new family.

She said most grandparents do take on the responsibility of raising grandchildren if asked.

"Grandchildren are like your own children," Ramsey said.

"It happens to lot of people much more than we realize it happens," she said.

Ramsey said grandparents' concerns go beyond those of raising grandchildren. "With divorce, visitation is now an issue with grandparents," she said. "Also with single parents, grandparents are often call on to care for grandchildren. Grandparents have rights here too."