Gold-medal gymnast speaks candidly about struggles during Southeast speech

When Shawn Johnson walked onto the stage at the Show Me Center on Monday night dressed in black boots, black leggings and a black leather jacket, she looked like the definition of "cool."

That's if the audience wasn't already sold on the room full of medals and trophies -- both from the Olympics and "Dancing With the Stars" -- that reside at her parents' house and which the family refers to as "The Shawn Museum."

A gold medalist in gymnastics at the 2008 Olympic Games in Beijing, a world and national champion in the sport and a former winner on popular reality show "Dancing With the Stars" -- on which she was, at the time, the youngest-ever competitor -- Johnson is the epitome of success.

But during Monday's installment of Southeast Missouri State's 2016-2017 Speaker Series, in front of an audience with a significant number of impressionable, young women, Johnson spent the evening talking about passion and many of the struggles -- including an eating disorder -- she's encountered, many of which stemmed from a confidence crisis because of an intense desire to fit in and be one of the cool kids, something she said she was decidedly not.

"I was a misfit," Johnson said. "I just never fit in."

That started in elementary school, when a group of girls on the playground voted her not cool enough to be a part of their clique.

The future gymnastics star was devastated by the cruelty, but her mom had a message for her, which she shared with the Show Me Center audience: "Accept it. Embrace it. Be different."

That lesson was the core of her presentation, which -- after admitting to being terrified of public speaking -- she said was unrehearsed.

Instead, she walked out on stage and simply began talking about the moments that have left the biggest impression on her.

It's a welcome outlet for Johnson, who said she does somewhere between 20 and 50 speaking events a year.

She has found release in no longer being driven by the perfection-obsessed standards of her sport.

"I became this iron machine that had to put on a front," Johnson said.

"... There were all these challenges I felt like I couldn't tell people about because it would make me a weaker competitor."

Johnson said she had wanted to quit gymnastics "a million times," but each time, her parents would catch her by surprise with the same question: "Do you still love gymnastics?"

Each time, she found herself answering yes, and that lesson continues to stick with her.

In 2009, less than a year after winning her individual gold on the balance beam, Johnson won Season 8 of "Dancing With the Stars" at the ripe old age of 16.

It vaulted her to another level of fame. (She later finished second in a special all-star edition of the show in 2012.)

"I was an awkward 16-year-old, trying to figure out why I was on national TV," Johnson said.

In fact, Johnson revealed Monday night she nearly quit the show, calling her mother in tears because she didn't know how to put on a dress and be "sassy."

Instead, Johnson overcame again.

"Up until that moment, I had defined myself as a gymnast," Johnson said. "I had never been that successful at anything else.

"(Now) I get more, 'You're the dancer,' than anything, which is kind of frustrating. I spent my whole life working to be a gymnast."

After her self-reflective speech, Johnson sat down with SEMO ESPN Radio's Erik Sean for a question-and-answer session, including inquiries from the audience.

The discussion covered everything from her battle with an eating disorder to a knee injury from skiing that ultimately pushed her to retire from gymnastics to how she stays fit -- "Ummm ... I'm not" -- to an infamously terrible first pitch she threw out at a Minor League Baseball game.

But through it all, her message returned to the same core values -- find yourself, not what others want you to be.

"I was taught at a very young age not to have regrets," Johnson said. "... I've made a lot of mistakes, but I wouldn't change any of it because it made me who I am."

Johnson remains busy. Since retiring from gymnastics in 2012 at age 22, Johnson has done reality television -- also appearing on "Celebrity Apprentice" -- and released multiple books.

She has a new stationery line coming out -- a cat, she said, she probably was not supposed to let out of the bag -- a YouTube channel documenting her life and a new memoir set to be released by year's end.

She revealed she soon will be flying to Los Angeles to record something for TV.

As for what else is ahead of her, one young fan in the crowd asked Johnson what she dreams about now she already has achieved so much.

The gymnast paused and thought, unsure of what might be next on her list -- she checked off one item when she married former NFL player Andrew East in 2015.

As for whether there might be future Johnson gymnasts one day? Even if the 25-year-old has children -- something she said is a few years down the line -- Johnson doesn't know whether she'll want them to follow her own path.

"I always say I would do it a million times over again," Johnson said, "but I don't know if I can watch my kid go through that."

Then again, why would she? On Monday night, she reminded her audience members to find their passions, not those others, including parents, want for them.

"You're going to fall in love with something someday," Johnson said, "... and it will be the greatest thing ever."