FUNNY BOY: COMEDIAN TAYLOR MASON TO PERFORM AT SOUTHEAST

"If you're a kid milking a cow and you get the cow laughing so hard that milk comes out its nose, you're destined to be a comic," says comedian Taylor Mason.

Mason, who will be appearing at Southeast Missouri State University Friday night, followed his comedic destiny, parlaying his talent into a highly successful career.

He has appeared with the famed Second City Theater Company in Chicago, on Showtime's "Comedy of Campus" and A&E's "Evening at the Improv," and at over 1,500 concerts on college campuses throughout the country.

One of his highest achievements came in 1991 when Mason was crowned the $100,000 Comedy Champion for TV's "Star Search."

It is not the sort of career than people generally expect for a boy who grew up on a farm outside of Grand Ridge, Ill.

"A one-joke town between Peoria and Chicago," he describes it. "Lots of soybeans, hogs and corns."

But even as a boy growing up in rural Illinois, Mason loved performing, learning ventriloquism, puppetry and the piano. They all remain part of his act today.

He attended college at the University of Illinois, where he was a defensive lineman on the football team.

"I have the distinction of being one of the worst players on one of the worst teams in Big 10 history," he said.

At only 5 feet, 9 inches tall and weighing just 220 pounds, Mason was small for a football player, especially small for a defensive lineman.

"I had my lunch handed to me a lot," he remembers. "But that insanity lends itself to comedy. I realized that reality is not for me."

At one point in his collegiate football career, he suffered a catastrophic injury to his knee that kept him in a cast for a year and laid him up for some time. But Mason used his time of recuperation to develop a comedy act.

He has been performing ever since.

During college he also played keyboards in a rock band called The Janitors. All of the members of the group wore janitor dungarees and left their instruments on stage before the show began.

As audience members wondered when the band was going to begin playing, the members, dressed in their dungarees and cleaning up on stage, would pick up their instruments and begin playing.

Music remains a part of Mason's act, though nowadays it is often musical parody. For the barbecue enthusiasts he offers a parody of Eric Clapton's hit "Cocaine." Mason's version is called "Propane." He also performs his own version of the Flintstones theme song, as done by Bob Dylan, Bruce Springsteen and Lou Reed.

But Mason's act is not one-dimensional. He includes music, stand-up comedy, puppetry and ventriloquism, audience participation and improvisation for what he describes as an hour and 20 minutes of fun.

"There's no profanity in the act," he said. "I don't curse or insult people, which means I have no future at all in Hollywood."

Mason will appear in the University Ballroom at 8 p.m. Friday. The free show is sponsored by the university's Student Activities Council.

Michelle Irby, assistant director for Student Involvement and SAC adviser, said the show was planned as a welcome back concert for the first Friday night of the spring semester.

"Comedy seems to be very successful on our campus," Irby said. "We're expecting 200-300, but if we have more, we've got the space."

Taylor on:

NASCAR racing

"Senior Circuit NASCAR Racing -- Cale Yarborough in an Oldsmobile Delta 88 going 44 mph in the far left lane with his turn signal on ..."

Health

"My doctor told me that I am sick and that my condition is hereditary. I told him `Fine! Send the bill to my parents!'"

Philosophy

"The early bird catches the worm, true enough, but the worm that sleeps late doesn't get eaten!"

Miscellaneous

"In my day, there was no Internet. I had to walk 10 miles in the snow just to write smut on bathroom walls."