Freud vs. Jung vs. 'Punk'd'

Used to, I could spit one of these columns out in 45 minutes or less. These days, I've become so unmotivated to write for the paper only because I have to write so many other things for all my classes. So the spare time I do have, I spend watching reruns of "Punk'd" or washing my car -- only to get stuck behind a truck whose cargo usually consists of loose dirt.

For example, right now I'm writing an eight-page argument paper over Freud and Jung's scientific theories of the human mind. I originally chose the topic of dreams, because it's one of those things that fascinates me, yet I don't have the mental capacity to actually understand it. My only knowledge of the subject before I began writing the paper was that Freud talked about sex a lot, Jung was a mythical creature closely related to the unicorn, and a large percentage of the world population have brains.

So when I had my oh-so-original topic decided, I just walked up to my professor and said, "How about dreams?"

"Interesting topic," she said. "Of course you'll obviously have to compare some of the more famous psychologists like Sigmund Freud and Carl Gustav Jung."

"Oh ... OK," I said. "What was that last guy's name?"

So I made my way into Kent Library like a true college student and sat on the almost-always-empty fourth floor and began sifting through books that I thought were even remotely related to my topic. As soon as I saw words like "mind" or "Freud" or "the" in the title I'd pull it off the shelf and begin my search for any kind of information that would help me.

Unfortunately, the library had a lot of books on the subject, so I picked the best six or seven and sat at the computer for hours on end reading and typing.

Finally I came up with the perfect conclusion to sum everything up and couldn't have been more pleased with the way it came out. It was then that I discovered I was one page short of the required minimum and it was also at that point I became so frustrated that I made my way to the nearest McDonald's and gained a few more pounds.

Anyway, I've still got that extra page to type and another five-to-seven-page paper that I have to write over an ancestor that I believed made a difference in society for my American history class. I thought about making someone up like other students I talked to, since I have no records of the interesting people in my family, yet for some reason we have an old diary of my great-aunt with an entry discussing how she "necked with a fellow under a streetlamp."

I won't make up anything, though, since my professor is most likely reading this right now and besides, my great-aunt's diary just might be amusing enough to earn an A.

Sam DeReign is a graduate of Oran High School and attends Southeast Missouri State University. Contact him at sdereign@ semissourian.com.