CHURCH HELPS LIGHT THE WAY FOR GRIEVERS

JACKSON -- It started as a simple plan for creating luminaries at a Christmas Eve service and has turned into a tradition at New McKendree United Methodist Church.

Members of the congregation and the community gather on the morning of Christmas Eve to create luminaries that are used for the evening services. The luminaries are dedicated in honor of a relative or loved one who has died.

The idea started when the Rev. Scott Lohse lost a family member and has continued for two years.

Holidays are often difficult times to be without family members, area counselors say.

"Most people think of how the holidays are supposed to be: There are a lot of shoulds," said Claire Lafoon of the Community Counseling Center. But many of those holiday traditions cause pain for the family member who is still grieving their loss.

Big celebrations, parties and decorations can be painful remembrances. "After a loss those things don't feel right anymore," Lafoon said. "They were fine in the past but cause a lot of pain now."

Lafoon said the best remedy can be to create new traditions or make changes that feel right.

She said people should make some holiday plans, whether it is to visit friends or watch a movie on Christmas Day so they don't spend the day alone.

"Sometimes people stick their head in the sand and don't like to think about it, but it comes anyway," she said.

There is no proper timeframe for grieving, she said. "Everyone has to go through at least a year of "firsts" without the person they loved nearby.