Children and social media: Pros and cons

In an age where social media such as Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and others seem to consume a great deal of our daily lives, parents should be educated in how this can affect the development of healthy interpersonal skills. I recommend parents monitor and place restrictions on the time children spend engaging in these activities. As a counselor, I have strong feelings about this trend. When it comes to children who are just learning to develop interpersonal relationships, social media often brings with it many complications.

Being connected to friends and family via social media has seemingly become a pacifier of sorts that takes up a large portion of our daily lives. This is true for parents and children. I often moderate family meetings about this very topic.

"When should my child have their own cellphone?"

"When should I allow my daughter to have a Facebook account?"

"How much time is appropriate in social media activities daily?"

So let's cover some of the pros and cons of social media and its influence on children. It's pretty obvious social media does affect our children's ability to develop strong, healthy, interpersonal relationships.

Since a majority of American teens now have a social networking profile, just how significant is the role it plays in how they learn and develop interpersonal communication skills? While parents can certainly monitor the online profiles for content, it's more difficult to measure and track how its influence is affecting relationship development skills on a deeper level.

Many people, myself included, believe overuse of social media can inhibit the development of genuine interpersonal relationship skills. It's not uncommon now for teens to have literally hundreds of online "friends." And connecting to these online "friends" is far removed from the healthy development of true, intimate, interpersonal relationships.

Engaging in face-to-face conversations has traditionally played a big role in everyday life. Through these interactions, children learn to read physical communication cues, such as voice tone and facial expressions. This adds greatly to the depth of the communication and the intimacy of the friendship. As they grow older, children need to learn and develop social and communication skills that will serve them as they emerge into young adulthood and beyond.

But in communicating primarily via social media, children often lose this part of the communication. I view these social media "friendships" more as acquaintances than true friendships. So much is lost in social media communication. These types of communications are typically more general, lack the deep intimacy of true in-person friendships and are far more easily disposed of than in-person relationships. Children who engage frequently in social media connections as opposed to interpersonal relationships often lack important social skills needed to successfully navigate life situations as they get older and join the workforce.

On the flip side, there are some pros related to children having social media connections. They can be great ways to stay connected with distant friends and family members, for example. And if social media is not used as the sole form of interacting with others, it does have a few benefits. Parents would be negligent to ignore the overwhelming influence of social media today. Social media is now a huge factor in communicating across multiple age groups. But as with anything else, parents must balance the time children spend across social media channels.

What can you do to successfully navigate the balance for children and social media?

Consider monitoring your child's social media time. Talk openly with them about social media relationships and what they mean. Point out differences between these and face-to-face interactions. You can encourage and model healthy face-to-face interactions whenever possible. A good balance between both is best. Only you know what you're comfortable with and what will work in your family's unique situation.

Start by educating your child on safety concerns. All of us have probably heard horror stories about people pretending to be something they're not online. And I feel parents should strongly consider placing time limits on social media each day. A good starting point would be no more than one hour per day for most children.

Also, be sure to promote one-on-one interactions whenever possible. Joining a sports team, club, church activity or any other community group provides great opportunities for you and your child to build real connections with those around you. Never underestimate the value of teaching real relationship skills with those around you versus building online connections through social media profiles. Communication skills learned through nurturing and promoting interpersonal interactions are invaluable in teaching your child to successfully navigate life.

What do you think about children and social media? I'd love to hear your thoughts, and I welcome any suggestions for topics in upcoming Flourish issues. Email these to shannona@tenderheartschildtherapycenter.com.

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About Shannon

Shannon Anderson is a licensed professional counselor and a national certified counselor and owner and clinical director of Tender Hearts Child Therapy Center in Cape Girardeau.