CARROT TOP'S COMEDY GOES OVER THE TOP (REVIEW)

Think all a stand-up comedian needs is a microphone, a stool and a glass of water?

Not Carrot Top. He brought no fewer than seven trunks full of props, gags and outfits and used them to bring down the house.

The Wendy's logo look-alike performed before an audience of 1,200 at the Show Me Center in Cape Girardeau Sunday. From beginning to end, his show was about excess.

It started with a light-and-laser show -- set to a "Jock Rock" tape probably stolen from a high school basketball team somewhere -- that rivaled some rock concerts. Then the crowd was assaulted with a string of obscenities and tasteless gags most Southeast Missouri folks only see on cable.

And the audience loved every minute of it.

Carrot Top started with a few good-natured jabs about flying into the Cape Girardeau Regional Airport: "Have you ever been out to your airport? I told the guy at the counter I wanted to rent a car, but he said somebody already rented it."

He must have taken the Southeast Missouri 101 course before landing, because he managed to work in the names of a few nearby towns into the routine. The East Prairie High School graduation hat was a John Deere cap with a tassel. An imitation of a "Cops" episode on spousal abuse was set in Marble Hill.

In fact, no person, place or thing was sacred in Carrot Top's routine. In a group of sports-related gags, he presented a baseball cap with a clear plastic shield so "baseball players can spit on umpires without getting in trouble." There was a tennis racket with a rearview mirror so Monica Seles could keep from getting stabbed again. Jennifer Capriati's racket had a built-in bong.

Politics weren't immune either. President Clinton's jogging cap had a container of french fries attached to keep him motivated. Bob Dole's speaker's podium was a walker with a presidential seal.

Lord help the person who attempted to walk out during all of this. When one giggling young couple on the front row stood up, Carrot Top asked where they were going. To the bathroom, they explained. Thanks to a brief prep session during their absence, the couple's return was greeted with a standing ovation and rendition of "Welcome Back Kotter" from the audience.

Again departing from most stand-up routines, the performer marked his finish with a big musical number, mocking every rock star from Tom Petty to Madonna to Elton John.

Topless in his pink spandex pants, ala Mick Jagger, Carrot Top said goodbye to Cape Girardeau during a standing ovation. After all that work, he deserved it.