Cape couple marks 70th anniversary

On Monday, May 15, 1950, Martha Stovall graduated from Southeast Missouri State College, as it was known then, and promptly married Kenneth Bender that afternoon.

"Life was fast in those days, I'll tell you," said Martha Bender, 91, as she flipped through wedding photos at the couple's Cape Girardeau home last week. "We had to do things while we could."

"We weren't kids, though," Ken, 94, chimed in. "I was 24, and she was 21."

The Benders celebrated 70 years of marriage Friday with a dinner, organized from afar by their daughters, proclamations from the City of Cape Girardeau and the State of Missouri, and a car parade full of friends and loved ones.

A little more than a week ahead of the surprise celebration, the Benders sat down with the Southeast Missourian to reflect on their many years together. As Ken ("Kenny," as Martha calls him) sat next to his bride of seven decades, he shared laughs with Martha over their many adventures over the years.

They first met in Southeast's a cappella choir, Ken said.

"I picked her out of a lineup of girls," he said with a smile. "That's the truth!"

Back then, Ken explained, the a cappella choir often took weeklong trips to perform concerts in surrounding towns as a recruitment effort for the college. In 1948, after a concert in Poplar Bluff, Missouri, he said the students were fed supper in a church basement when Ken was encouraged by a friend to invite one of the choir girls out for a night on the town.

It was Martha who first caught his attention.

"I went over [and] tapped her on the shoulder," he said. "We went out every night that week."

Ken proposed two years later in St. Louis while the couple was enjoying a ride on the SS Admiral, an excursion steamboat that operated on the Mississippi River.

Martha said the couple had a long courtship because she wanted to finish college before getting married. During their honeymoon, they took a trip to Niagara Falls and rode the Maid of the Mist, a memory the couple recalled with joy.

Just like in the early days of their relationship, the Benders have always loved to explore together.

"With our daughters ... every summer vacation, we'd go somewhere," Ken said. "We went to Williamsburg a couple of times. We went out east to Boston, Philadelphia [and] New York City."

They've taken a Caribbean cruise, visited the Black Hills of South Dakota, explored Yellowstone National Park, ventured up Pikes Peak and enjoyed lobster at Boothbay Harbor, the latter of which was a favorite of Ken's.

"It was the lobster capital, practically, of the world," he said.

And they've always made anniversaries special.

For their 25th anniversary, they toured Europe. For their 60th, they explored England, Scotland, Ireland and Wales.

The couple even tried making wine together, Ken said, noting he had grown up during prohibition and had watched his parents make wine. Later, as an adult, he wanted to try his hand at it. So one year, the couple made a batch of wine that was a huge success, what they called "Old Brookwood '65," named after the year and street upon which it was made.

"All our friends loved it," Ken said. "We drank wine at every party we had, and we partied a lot in those days."

But when they tried the next year, "it just turned to vinegar," Ken said. "And we never tried again."

Martha laughed at the memory, saying, "Nobody wanted any vinegar!"

The Benders still live in the home in which they raised their daughters. Its walls are decorated with memories of their children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. A gazebo Ken built for one of his daughter's weddings sits in the backyard among flower beds and red wooden stairs. Neighbors and family regularly drop by to check in on them, which Ken said allows them to stay in the home at their age.

"Family is so important," Martha said, and her husband noted their nieces and nephews call to check in on the couple almost every day.

In describing his daughters, Ken said, "I don't know how anybody would be so lucky but both of our girls were easy to raise, fun to be around, nice kids, and we traveled well together."

Asked whether they were as much in love today as they were when they first met, Ken said, "Oh, I think even more so."

After 70 years together, the Benders had some advice for young couples.

"They have to like each other and enjoy being together," Ken said. "If not, the marriage isn't going to work."

"We all have little habits the other person doesn't understand," Martha said. "You need to have an understanding heart to accept some of the habits that your spouse might have."

One of the things that really helped the Benders' marriage was their shared interests.

"We both liked to do the same things," Ken said.

"We have a few differences," Martha interjected with a grin.

"Well, we argue once in a while," Ken said, laughing. "But I always give in, I say, 'Yes, dear.'"

As she spoke, Martha rubbed her husband's back.

"[In] an argument or when something's gone wrong, give each other a back rub," she said, smiling at Ken. "A good back rub will solve a lot of problems."

An 'iconic' couple

The proclamations the couple received Friday were presented by Cape Girardeau mayor Bob Fox, who said he considered it "an honor" to recognize the Benders.

In a Thursday email to the Southeast Missourian, former mayor Jay Knudtson said his relationship with the Benders goes back more than 25 years and began when he joined the Lions Club of Cape Girardeau in 1991. At that time, Ken had already been a member for nearly 30 years.

"Kenny and I hit it off from the very beginning, and he became a trusted friend, adviser and mentor to me," Knudtson stated, "especially as I served as Cape Girardeau's mayor from 2002 to 2010."

For the idea to recognize the couple, Fox credited Joe McLemore, a neighbor and devoted friend to the Benders.

"Joe comes everyday and makes sure we're all right," Ken said.

Asked about a favorite memory he shared with the couple, McLemore pointed to holiday traditions and setting up Christmas trees.

McLemore said he calls the Benders "Mr. B" and "Mrs. B" and typically helps set up two trees: one real and one artificial. The artificial tree, he said, is typically set up in the family room complete with a train around its base.

"He would tell me how to set up his train, and then once we got it set up, he would [have] to make sure it ran right," he recalled.

And for Martha, he would bring ornaments downstairs, wait as she looked through them, and then help decorate the tree.

"We're going to adopt [Joe], we think," Martha said laughing. "We haven't talked this over with him."

Knudtson praised the Benders as "one of the area's most precious and iconic couples."

"Together, they have molded and shaped the Cape and Jackson landscape for the past 70 years, and they have done it with total and complete class," he stated.

Ken served as president of the board of the Chateau Girardeau, served on the board of the institution that now is Wood and Huston Bank and has nearly 60 years of membership with the Lions Club.

He also served in World War II, and came out a highly decorated veteran, receiving a Distinguished Flying Cross medal, Bronze Star and two presidential citations, according to Southeast Missourian reporting.

"[Kenneth] served his country in an exemplary manner," Fox wrote in a Thursday email to the Missourian. "He has been devoted to his community, his family and his country."

Ken was also the Southeast Missourian's 2013 Spirit of America Award recipient, for which Knudtson nominated him.

"While oftentimes the focus and attention are on the community leader and WWII hero, let there be no mistake about it, Martha is also a hero!" Knudtson wrote. "She is the rock of the Bender family and has made a huge difference in this community and perhaps even re-written the old saying to now read, 'Behind every successful woman is a good man.'"

Martha always loved history and used that passion to improve the Southeast Missouri community.

At the kitchen table in her home, Martha and a group of others helped write the city's historic preservation ordinance. She was also the chairwoman of the Cape Girardeau Bicentennial Celebration, was the acquisition chairwoman of the Cape River Heritage Museum and was appointed twice to serve on the Missouri Advisory Council on Historic Preservation. During her time on the state council, she helped place several local buildings on the National Register of Historic Places, including the Glenn House and Old St. Vincent's Catholic Church.

Martha and Ken were charter members of St. Andrew Lutheran Church, where they are still members today.

"Yes, there is no doubt that Ken and Martha Bender have had a tremendous impact on me and this entire community," Knudtson wrote. "They are a shining example of a couple that both adores and respects one another."

Ahead of the celebration, Knudtson said it would be "a glorious day" to watch the Benders celebrate 70 years of marriage, noting "we should all hope to be so fortunate."

Kenneth Bender, left, is presented with the 2013 Spirit of America Award by Lucas Presson and with a proclamation from the Missouri House of Representatives by Rep. Kathy Swan, right, during the Cape Girardeau Fourth of July Fireworks Event Thursday, July 4, in Cape Girardeau. Adam Vogler ~ Southeast Missourian