CANCER SURVIVOR RECALLS `BAD DREAM'

FRUITLAND -- Mary Knott remembers the radiation treatment and chemotherapy. The ordeal of fighting cancer 20 years ago still brings back painful memories.

She said it seems like "a bad dream."

She was 15 years old and a high school freshman in the small town of Ellington in November 1971. "That was when I first started getting suspicious that something was wrong,' she recalled Sunday.

Sunday was National Cancer Survivors Day. In recognition of that, Knott was one of a number of cancer survivors nationwide who planted trees to symbolize their appreciation of life.

Knott remembered that as a 15-year-old, she had "knots" on her neck. They didn't hurt, but her grandmother expressed concern about the matter.

She subsequently underwent a number of tests at a Poplar Bluff hospital. Her doctor sent her to St. Jude Children's Research Hospital in Memphis, Tenn., for further tests.

"They have what they call outpatient treatment. They put you up in a motel," she said.

Knott said she spent about a week undergoing a battery of tests. "They tested me for everything."

It was determined that the swelling of her lymph nodes in her neck were the result of Hodgkin's disease, a form of cancer.

She said doctors discovered that the disease "had pretty well spread throughout my body."

Knott said she was shocked by the news that she had cancer. "When they first told me, I went into shock. I wouldn't talk to anybody."

Doctors removed her spleen. Following her recovery from surgery, she began undergoing radiation treatment and chemotherapy.

From late fall in 1971 through the spring of 1972, Knott made numerous visits to Memphis for treatment.

She missed a lot of school. "The first half of my freshman year was done with a tutor."

Knott said the radiation treatments made her sick. "I had a real bad reaction to that." Her throat became sore.

"I couldn't eat," said Knott. "I went from weighing 150 pounds to 86 pounds in three months time."

The treatments made her skin peel. Her armpits were sore. "My Mom would take cold soda cans and put them under my armpits. It was the only way I could sleep."

Knott said she spent about six months undergoing radiation treatment.

She also underwent chemotherapy on a weekly basis at first, and later on a biweekly basis.

She said she received the chemotherapy treatments at a Poplar Bluff hospital in 1972 and 1973.

The treatments for cancer caused her to go bald for a time. "I was bald for two years in high school," she remembered. During that time, Knott wore a wig. "I wore a wig until probably the middle of my junior year."

She was elated when her hair started growing back.

Ellington being a small town, almost everyone knew about Knott's battle with cancer. She said students and teachers at the high school went out of their way to be nice to her.

But, she said, many of the students were also frightened by the situation. "A lot of them were scared of me. They never had to deal with it before."

She said it was tough growing up as a teenager and not being able to be as active as other youths. "I had eight brothers and sisters, and I couldn't be out playing with them."

The treatments ended in 1973 when she was 17, but she continued to return to St. Jude for periodic checkups throughout her high school years.

After graduating from high school, she moved to Cape Girardeau where she attended Southeast Missouri State University.

Throughout her college years, she annually returned to St. Jude for checkups. She graduated from Southeast in December 1980. In 1983, she married Tommy Knott.

That same year, she returned to St. Jude for a final checkup. No cancer was detected.

At that point, having gone for 10 years since the last treatment without any sign of cancer, she was placed on the hospital's alumni list, a recognition that she had won her battle against cancer.

Knott said that the cancer and the treatments left her weak for years. "I had no energy," she recalled. "It took me awhile to get my strength back."

In college, she never told other students about her bout with cancer. "I didn't want them to pity me or be afraid of me."

The treatments left her unable to bear children.

"It was hard for me to accept for a long time that I didn't have cancer anymore," she said. "And then, there was a time that whenever I would get a fever or a cold, I'd say, `Oh God, here it comes again.'"

But at age 34, Knott said she has put the cancer behind her. She said that having battled cancer has given her a new appreciation of life.

"Now just sitting out on a porch on a beautiful day, it just gives you such a good feeling."