BUCKING THE SYSTEM: TEETERING TODDLER TURNS 1, TERRORIZING THIS TRANQUIL TRIO

* It's a bird. It's a plane. No, It's a 1-year old.

Once upon a time, there lived a young couple and their young son.

The parents tried to give their son as much happiness as he could handle each day of his young life. They sang, and read books, and bought trucks and other toys they knew he enjoyed. They made frequent trips to Granny's and PaPa's house so the child could bask in the glow of his grandparents' love. They took long car rides in the rain and shared endless hours together watching Disney movies.

It was a happy time for the family.

When the young boy was in his second year of life, the parents received the news there would soon be a new addition to the family. Although they worried about the cost of child care and the amount of energy a second child would require, they knew in their hearts it would be OK."A child needs a brother or sister," they said, remembering their own experiences with siblings. "This is a good thing."Little did the family know that they were bringing into this world one of the cutest, fattest, strongest children to hit the scene since ... well, since I don't know who.

Patrick Jr., or PJ as he is affectionately known, turns 1 next week. He has a beautiful smile, one that belies the havoc he can create quicker than a long-distance company can change its rates.

It's been obvious since PJ arrived that he would be very different than Jerry, who is 3 years old. Jerry is an easy-going child who just wants to enjoy life with whatever playmate is closest at hand. He doesn't mind sharing his toys and would rather give hugs than fight any day of the week.

My PJ is a very different type of child. He came into this world colicky and allergic to mother's milk, and it's been pretty much par for the course ever since.

For PJ, the world is his, and that ego touches every aspect of his life. He's been walking for about three months, but even before then it was nothing for him to waddle his way over to Jerry or whomever had the food or drink and snatch it as if they had stolen it from him. Who knew behind that impish-yet-angelic smile walked a knock-kneed, bow-legged, six-tooth-having gangsta'? Or that the chubby 1-year old whose walk and stature resembles the Michelin Man was able to steal Kool-Aid Bursts and peanut butter crackers faster than a speeding bullet, to leap off tall princess beds in a single bound, and could kick open a closet door more powerfully than a locomotive.?Not that he's a bad child -- just arrogant, smart and strong. Like the little girl who had the curl, he can be on his best behavior and make you think he's the sweetest child around. However, in the next instant he can lay out in a fit or pop Jerry in the head in a way that makes you want to call the law on yourself.

Now that PJ is celebrating his birthday, I don't know what to expect yet. The 1- to 3-year-old age group is supposed to be one of the most trying periods in life, and I don't know if I'm ready to have this toddler terrorize my once-tranquil family any more. Especially since the pacifier and bottles are going to be lost for good this week in honor of his entrance into toddlerhood.

This might be a good time to lock up the sharp objects. It might be an even better time to drop in on the grandparents -- for a lengthy visit.

Tamara Zellars Buck is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.