BUCKING THE SYSTEM: ANNUAL BATTLE FOR DECORATIVE SUPREMACY HAS BEGUN

I love watching my parents during the Christmas season. They fuss, cuss and discuss each other in running conversations as they battle to be victorious in the Battle of Christmas Decorative Splendor.

This battle for decoration supremacy is hilarious because it's never vocalized. In fact, my dad always makes like he doesn't like to celebrate holidays. That is, of course, right before he goes all out, planning major productions that include decorations, pictures and power tools. He gets obsessed, starting early and working furiously until everything is exactly right.

Mom is exactly opposite, usually taking a very slow, methodical approach to placing her decorations. She goes more for the fancy and unique, things that are culturally significant and which bring automatic smiles to round, cherubic little faces.

My parents have an agreement when it comes to decorations: Mom takes care of everything inside of the house while Dad is in charge of the front porch, yard and rooftop. It sounds fair enough, until they start asking for each other's opinions.

I don't know if they'll ever realize this opinion collection thing doesn't work. My parents being who they are, my dad is always going to want "just one more string of lights", and my mom is going to want to put out each and every mobile Santa Claus, Christmas teddy and train set she ever bought.

The result is a hectic, eclectic, festive ball of Christmas love, set directly on the Charleston-Bertrand city line.

It all started just after Thanksgiving this year, when Mom told Dad she wanted him to bring down the Christmas tree and decorations in preparation for the season. He grumbled about it being too early and all of that, but he mounted the ladder into the dark crawl space that only he will enter.

The only items Mom encouraged Dad to leave in the attic were the first pieces down: Lighted, wire star and cross displays that Dad had made with his own two hands. They are special to him, I guess because he made them, and each year he climbs up on the roof and attaches them to one of the chimneys so that all passersby can see them.

As he put up, took down and replaced string after string of lights on the trees and columns in the front yard, Mom tackled the interior of their house. Family photos were temporarily taken down so that Christmas wreaths could be put into place, and the Coca-Cola bear on his tricycle came out of the box, only to be mercilessly pummeled by a fascinated Patrick Jr. New batteries were placed in the singing Santa and the Santa who has a motion detector, and efforts were made to revive the Christmas train derailed by an overenthusiastic Jerry Buck.

Christmas was in full swing, and all that was asked of Clarissa and me was that we hold the ladder, pass the tools on demand, and put away the boxes. Easy enough.

Then came the competition. Dad didn't like the single strand of green lights Mom put on the tree, and she didn't like the idea of decorating every tree in the yard. Concessions had to be made, so Mom agreed to leave off the wreath on the front door if Dad would promise to only put the star on the roof this year.

Not everything went so easily, however. Remember Dad's enthusiasm? Well, it resulted in the theft of lights from Mom's prize Christmas wreath so that he could get an additional window lit up.

He also went against Mom's advice and created himself a Christmas tree of garland and lights that hangs next to the garage door. "I thought we needed a little something on that side of the house," he told me with a smile.

I'm proclaiming Dad to be this year's King of Decorative Splendor. Not to discount Mom's decorations, which are a favorite of PJ's, but Dad brought in a lot of new ideas that really look good this year.

Besides, I think the star really put Dad over the top.

Of course, Jerry's reference to their decorations really sums everything up pretty well."I want to go to Granny's house to see PaPa's lights and Granny's tree. They look pretty."

Tamara Zellars-Buck is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian