Broken spirit worse than broken bones

"It's better to break someone's leg than to break someone's heart" was a declaration I heard awhile back. Neither choice sounded pleasurable, but as the real significance of that statement became clear to me, I became more responsible in how I treated others.

We usually think of a broken heart in the romantic sense. A loved one deserts us or fails to return our feelings of adoration. Other times one's heart is broken when a treasured person dies or is damaged physically or mentally. All those instances can be devastating and take a long time to heal. Much longer than a broken leg.

Hearts can be broken through offenses inflicted by others, demeaning one's intelligence, character or capabilities. Having one's spirit crushed often causes one to lose the will to live. "A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance, but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken." (Proverbs 15:13)

As I delved into the ramifications of the phrase "It is better to break someone's leg than to break one's heart," I found it was true. I realized more damage, indeed, could be inflicted by harsh, condemning remarks and belittling treatment than by physical injury.

Our tongue can be our sharpest weapon. "For every kind of beasts, and of birds, and of serpents, and of things in the sea, is tamed, and hath been tamed of mankind; But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. Out of the same mouth proceeds blessing and cursing." (James 3:7-10)

If we could simply remember the fragility of a heart, we would be less prone to verbalize insults, criticisms and insensitive words. We would instead treat others with gentleness and love, knowing that what we say truly matters.

I cringe when I see parents at children's ballgames yelling derogatory remarks at kids, inflicting untold damage. The utterance of such words as "Why didn't you catch that ball? Don't just stand there! Can't you do anything right?" It's sad to base people's worth on what they achieve, crushing the person's spirit and breaking their heart.

The phrase "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me" might allow one to feel better temporarily, following an unkind remark, but damage caused by sticks and stones will heal, while unkind words live within memories forever, resulting in low self-esteem, hurt and anger.

After again pondering the meaning of "It's better to break someone's leg than to break someone's heart," I vowed to better guard my actions and tongue when interacting with others. We hold the awesome power to make or break someone's heart and spirit by what we say and how we treat him -- leaving him a much worse fate than a broken limb.

Ellen Shuck is director of religious education at St. Mary's Cathedral in Cape Girardeau.