Breaking up (with your stylist) is hard to do

The connection between client and hairstylist is so universal it made for a memorable "Seinfeld" episode.

Dissatisfied with his longtime barber, Jerry sneaks another one up to his apartment for a quick haircut but ends up stashing him in another room when his regular barber shows up unannounced. The "affair" comes to an end when the suspicious barber spots Jerry's hair clippings on the floor and an ugly showdown ensues.

Little wonder that ending a relationship with someone who yields that much power can be agonizing, especially in a small community where a repeat encounter is almost a sure bet. It can be particularly tough for women, who tend to see their hair as the most important accessory they own.

The chance of bumping into a former stylist sends some scurrying in the other direction. Others feel compelled to blurt out excuses for the abandonment.

At a bare minimum, it's awkward.

"They give you this look of, 'I know you. And your hair doesn't look anything like when you left me,'" said Nikki Stallion, a Cape Girardeau construction bid estimator.

Why it's so close

There's a dearth of psychological studies on the bond between women and their stylists, but Dr. Gail Overbey, a former clinical psychologist who teaches at Southeast Missouri State University, has some theories.

First, she said, there's the touching. In American society, not just anyone is allowed to stroke our hair. The act almost always associated with affection or grooming.

Then there's the forced togetherness. A good haircut is going to take at least 20 minutes, and most people feel compelled to fill that time with conversation, Overbey said. Because stylists make their living in part by being adept with people, they're good listeners. Chit-chat about the weather can turn personal over months of visits.

And just how personal it gets can stun even experienced stylists. Race Bradley has heard it all during his six years in the business, most recently at Regis Salon in Cape Girardeau.

At least two clients revealed their drug use. One woman asked him to cut off her daughter's long hair as a punishment, explaining exactly what the girl did, but Bradley firmly refused.

"People will sit in your chair and tell you anything," he said. "I think Hollywood paints us as this odd fringe of society. They wouldn't dream of telling the woman doing their makeup in Famous that they're having an affair."

KWKZ radio personality Teresa Morrill said her confessions haven't been too racy, but after going to the same stylist for more than 20 years, the conversations between them are personal.

"Stylists provide a relatively cheap form of therapy, even though the cost of haircuts has gone up," she cracked.

Time to move on

But even after years of appointments and true confessions, some clients feel they have to move on. Often the reason is practical: a salon opens closer to home or a job loss means they can't afford expensive cuts.

Other times it's simple dissatisfaction.

Cheryl Klueppel, outreach coordinator for the Alzheimer's Association, had a hair emergency years ago. Her stylist wasn't working, so she went to another in the same salon. She was so impressed by the improved results that she kept going to the second woman.

"I'd see my former stylist in the salon, which was kind of awkward," Klueppel said. "I would do the avoidance thing: walk on the other side of the aisle."

It doesn't have to come to that, hair veterans insist.

First, if a client hasn't seen her hair professional more than four or five times, she can walk away guilt free. Some stylists barely remember clients' names after so few visits.

But if the relationship has gone on longer, there has to be a conversation about the problem. That can be difficult because some clients see their stylists as artists who will be offended at the slightest whisper of dissatisfaction.

They are artists, but the delicate sensibilities thing is simply not true, said Martha Dillon, JCPenney Styling Salon manager in the business for 39 years. Some might take it personally, but not most.

"You learn from your mistakes," she said. "So if you tell me, 'Martha, my hair is fried,' I am going to say, 'Let's look at it and see what we can do.' You are advertising for the stylist, so they don't want you to run around with bad hair."

Debbie Pobst, who works at Kutters in Cape Girardeau and is a 30-year veteran of the business, admits she can get into a rut with a client's hair. She wants to be told to do something different.

And if a client just leaves, she wonders what went wrong.

"I used to try to avoid them if I saw them, but now I say hi," said Pobst, a Sikeston, Mo., resident. "We want to know what happened. What did we do?"

Bradley of Regis remembers the perfect breakup with a client: She said a salon opened up across the street and she could better afford the prices there. It prevented a bruised ego.

But even if a client doesn't feel comfortable saying anything, she doesn't have to dodge her former stylist for all eternity.

"You don't have to explain," Bradley said. "The hair on your head belongs to you. And variety is the spice of life.

"Anyway, they'll be back."

hhall@semissourian.com

335-6611, ext. 121