Speak Out: Funny Sunday

Posted by We Regret To Inform U on Sun, Jan 20, 2013, at 12:01 AM:

Sorry. Emails ere running late.

Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the Best

patients to operate on.

The first surgeon, from New York , says, 'I like to see accountants

on my operating table because when you open them up, everything

inside is numbered.'

The second, from Chicago , responds, 'Yeah, but you should try

electricians! Everything inside them is color coded.'

The third surgeon, from Dallas , says, 'No, I really think librarians

are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order.'

The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles chimes in: 'You know, I like

construction workers...Those guys always understand when you have

a few parts left over.'

But the fifth surgeon, from Washington , DC shut them all up when

he observed: 'You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on.

There's no guts, no heart, no b****, no brains, and no spine..

Plus, the head and the a** are interchangeable.'

Replies (7)

  • Rick, Good for Missouri or more government gone wild?

    Posted 01/19/2013 1:24 am by Old John ~ Replies: 4 ~ Last reply: 01/19/2013 "2:05 am"

    I noticed the last time you posted that it was deleted and figured you woke up and decided to delete it yourself or maybe the webmaster did it for you.

    I thought we were having a good discussion until that.

    Understand, I am a free speech guy too and that means I can easily be free to pass over comments in poor taste, but you know that type comment does not earn credibility or respect.

    Just trying to give a little Me'Lange type guidance here. :)

    -- Posted by Old John on Sun, Jan 20, 2013, at 1:16 AM
  • I recently spent $2500 on a Black Angus bull. I put him out with the herd but he just wandered around eating grass and wouldn't even look at a cow. I was beginning to suspect he was gay, if that's possible with a bull. Anyhow, I had the Vet come have a look at him. He said the bull was very healthy and shouldn't be having a problem, but not to worry because he was still a young bull, and gave me some pills to put in the bulls feed once per day.

    Holy crap. The bull started to service the cows within two days. All of my cows! He even broke through the fence and bred all my neighbor's cows! He's been breeding just about everything in sight. He's like a machine!"

    I don't know what the heck was in the pills the Vet gave him, but they kinda taste like peppermint.

    -- Posted by Have_Wheels_Will_Travel on Mon, Jan 21, 2013, at 7:55 AM
  • Shamelessly copied-n-pasted from an e-mail -

    I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse. I can't afford one. So, I'm wearing my garage door opener. I also made a cover for my hearing aid and now I have what they call blue teeth, I think.

    You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn't like me anyway.

    I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans!

    I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is 'when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it.'

    I thought about making a fitness movie, for folks my age, and call it 'Pumping Rust.'

    I have gotten that dreaded furniture disease. That's when your chest is falling into your drawers!

    I know, when people see a cat's litter box, they always say, 'Oh, have you got a cat?' Just once I want to say, 'No, it's for company!'

    Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of an emergency. I think you should write, 'A Good Doctor!'

    Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to these men? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they deliver the mail? Or better yet, arrest them while they are taking their pictures!

    I was thinking, why pay taxes. People who owe taxes seem to get good government jobs.

    I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then, it dawned on me, they were cramming for their finals...

    As for me, I'm just hoping God grades on the curve!!!

    -- Posted by fxpwt on Tue, Jan 22, 2013, at 4:39 PM
  • I recently spent $2500 on a Black Angus bull."

    Made me think. When you buy a Black Angus hamburger how do you know it was really a black one?

    -- Posted by We Regret To Inform U on Tue, Jan 22, 2013, at 5:51 PM
  • I went into my proctologist's office for my first rectal exam. His new nurse, Evelyn, took me to an examining room And told me to get undressed and have a seat until the doctor could see me. She said that he would only be a few minutes.

    After putting on the gown that she gave me I sat down While waiting I observed That there were three items on a stand Next to the exam table:

    A Tube of K-Y jelly, A rubber glove and a beer .

    When the doctor finally came in I said, "Look Doc, I'm a little confused This is my first exam .. I know what the K-Y is for And I know what the glove is for, but can you tell me what the BEER is for?

    At that Doctor Paul became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the door. He flung the door open and yelled to his nurse .. . . . . .

    Darn it, Evelyn !!! I said a BUTT LIGHT "

    -- Posted by We Regret To Inform U on Tue, Jan 22, 2013, at 9:43 PM
  • A young farm couple, Homer and Darlene, got married and just couldn't seem to get enough lovin'.In the morning, before Homer left the house for the fields, they made love. When Homer came back from the fields, they made love. And again at bedtime, they made love.

    The problem was their noon lunch; it took Homer a half hour to travel home and another half hour to

    return to the fields and he just wasn't getting enough work done. Finally Homer asked the town doctor what to do.

    "Homer," said the doctor, "just take your rifle out to the field with you and when you're in the mood, fire off a shot into the air. That will be Darlene's signal to come out to you. Then you won't lose any field time."

    They tried Doc's advice and it worked well for a while. Homer came back to the doctor's office...

    "What's wrong?" asked the Doc. "Didn't my idea work?"

    "Oh, it worked real good," said Homer. "Whenever I was in the mood, I fired off a shot like you said and Darlene come runnin'. We'd find a secluded place, make love, and then she'd go back home again."

    "Good, Homer. So what's the problem?" asked the Doc.

    "I ain't seen her since huntin' season started."

    -- Posted by Have_Wheels_Will_Travel on Thu, Jan 24, 2013, at 9:14 AM
  • A man wanted to build a tavern, but a nearby church congregation strongly opposed it. However, construction of the bar went on.

    Just before it was finished, lightning struck the tavern and it burned to the ground.

    The churchgoers gloated and credited the Lord. The man sued the church, claiming that the congregations's prayers had cost him his building, but the church leaders denied having anything to do with it.

    Now the local judge doesn't know how he'll rule on the matter. He laments that he has a bar owner who believes in the power of prayer, and a church congregation that doesn't.

    -- Posted by fxpwt on Sun, Feb 10, 2013, at 5:15 AM

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