When the AARP comes knocking

I knew it was only a matter of time until they found me.

It happened last week. Six months after turning 50, AARP found me.

The letter arrived in my mailbox, complete with an already filled out AARP membership card and a greeting welcoming me into the nation's army of senior citizens.

To truly enroll, I have to send in $12.50 annually. But for that price, I get the real AARP membership card and the group's magazine with helpful hints about old age.

"You're old, dad," my youngest daughter, Bailey, gleefully remarked.

The whole family smiled at my ordeal as I imagined what awaits me now that I have topped the half-century mark. My wife, Joni, even pointed out that I was showing a little gray in my hair.

Now, don't get me wrong. I have nothing against AARP or its magazine.

I'm not against having a little gray hair, either. But I'm not ready to give up my youth just yet -- or at least what's left of it.

I logged onto the Internet to see just what I was up against. A recent check of the AARP Web site carried a story about the fear of falling.

It's the No. 1 worry among older Americans. But practicing tai chi twice a week may improve balance within three months, it's noted on the AARP Web site.

There's also the issue of what one AARP article on the Web site calls "cane mutiny," the issue of older Americans not using properly fitted canes or holding them properly. I don't think they're talking about the Over-the-Hill inflatable black canes that friends give you to celebrate turning 50.

I have one of those canes, although I've yet to use it.

And AARP has a Web site article on building up brain power by juggling, square dancing or playing card games.

Wow. I just played a card game the other night. I didn't realize I was sharpening up my brain by engaging in a family card game. I thought it was just for fun.

It's amazing what you have to deal with when the AARP comes calling.

I'm sure there's a whole world of old-age worries out there, but I'm not ready to confront them even if I am eligible by AARP's standards to be a senior citizen.

Personally, I don't think of myself as a senior citizen. Those of us who are Baby Boomers refuse to recognize old age.

We think of ourselves as being the norm. Whatever age we are, it is the right age. Everyone else is either too young or too old.

We like the fact that we can still go to rock 'n' roll concerts and watch old guys play their electric guitars and sing the songs that serenaded us in our youth.

I don't think of myself as old, not when I have a 12-year-old daughter and an 8-year-old daughter to raise.

Some of our friends are a lot younger, although they have children similar in age to ours.

I'm just not ready to sign up for AARP.

For now, I gaze at that temporary AARP card in the same way that young men looked at their draft cards during the Vietnam War.

But I can understand why the organization sends me greetings. The group's leaders know that it takes time to get Americans to realize they've aged and are eligible for senior citizen discounts at their favorite restaurants.

I'm sure that realization will come to me. It will come even sooner if I can get a huge discount on a vacation cruise.

Mark Bliss is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.