What God wants

Father Bill Kottenstette used to always say it to me when we talked about understanding God's will for my life: God wants what we want. At the time, it seemed too good to be true, and I barely dared to believe it. It seemed incredible to think the desires of my heart naturally a part of me, the way I was created, were what God placed in me to pursue and know God through. That I didn't have to change the core of who I am and what I want in order to be holy or acceptable to God or to please God. That I am enough, as I am. That God might even delight in me like this.

It's an idea I've brought to God, asking if it's true, throughout the years since Father Bill first presented it to me. It's an idea I'm still learning to believe.

Yesterday, I watched a video by my favorite musician, Zach Winters, discussing what he's been learning during the past couple of years. In it, he said: "Life doesn't always have a clear or easy way forward. But as a father, I've come to realize I don't expect my kids to perfectly jump through some series of hoops or to have the perfect answer. Ultimately, I want to be close to them at heart. To know them and walk with them through life and to help them orientate towards the world with wonder and wisdom and thankfulness and love.

"I used to think God was into hoops, though. That I had my own series I needed to jump through. But I feel like life is more of a choose-your-own-adventure, and that nearness, rather than perfection, is what he's really after."

These words struck me deeply. It is beautiful to me, and reminiscent of what Father Bill told me, to think God isn't holding a perfect answer and waiting for me to figure it out. Rather, I get to exercise the gift of my free will in pursuit of God and how I want to live this life serving God. Rather than keeping me frozen in fear waiting for a clear answer from God to be sure I'm choosing what is "Right," this way of believing is freeing and joyful, opening the world up to life abundant, what Jesus says he came to give us.

Or, as my friend Priya told me: we don't have to be perfect at everything and get everything right on the first try. We are children experiencing this world for the first time, and it is okay that we don't know what we're doing. God is here, with us, wanting nothing else except for us to invite God into everything.

God gives us this promise in Isaiah 41 (NAB): "Do not fear: I am with you; do not be anxious: I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my victorious right hand."

God is here and wants to experience everything we experience with us. We stand and knock outside God's door in persistent prayer, yes, and we also experience Jesus standing outside our door knocking, wanting to be invited into our home. Let's invite him in and show him around. He treasures what matters to us.