Welcoming, like a calming breeze

What does the word refuge mean? Various dictionaries and thesauruses offer such descriptions as sanctuary, shelter, retreat and safe place. There are others. Whatever the word refuge means, it sounds inviting.

As I drove through town recently I passed a house that said House of Refuge. It was a small church. Its name had a comfortable ring to it. I could see how many who felt lost and were seeking a sanctuary might be drawn to a worship destination such as this.

I contemplated what a house of refuge really means. Couldn't any house be a house of refuge? The house that I thought of first was my parents' home. To me it truly was a place of shelter for almost anyone who entered. Mom and dad lived within a farm environment most of their lives. People who farm seem to possess a different set of values and perspectives than many other folks do. My parents always tried to make friends with anyone they met. You always invited visitors inside and asked them to "have a seat." Conversation followed, and my parents hoped they had made new friends. Times are different now because we are forced to be more careful. The world today is more thickly populated and it seems that you can't extend the same level of trust that you once could. Many seem preoccupied, too.

What made our home a house of refuge was the welcoming atmosphere that existed there. You felt it in the air, like a cool, calming breeze. We had no claim to wealth by any stretch of the imagination, but we never really felt poor, either. I sewed some of my clothes and we performed all of our own household chores. Occasionally dad hired someone to help when he fell behind in the fields. Regardless of how busy we were, people were always wanted. We never asked when they were leaving because that would have shown bad manners.

When we finally moved to town, I was a senior in high school. Mom went to work at a hospital at our new location and presented her usual warm and trusting personality. Although most of her fellow workers were amicable, that was not the case with all of them. She learned that some lacked the friendliness and grace of those she had known on the farm.

To make extra income, mom and dad rented rooms within our house to various people. Most people who roomed there were anything but rich. In fact, they often had trouble making the rent payments. Mom usually granted them kitchen privileges, which meant they could use our kitchen to prepare meals. They were usually single. What I noticed most, though, was that mom always invited those who roomed there to share a meal with us. I never knew what guests we might have and I wasn't always pleased with the situation. My mother, though, was compassionate toward those who needed to share a meal, talk and feel loved.

After reading the sign on the house I searched within and I asked myself: Is my home a place of refuge? I certainly hoped so. Then I wondered exactly what makes a dwelling a house of refuge? I came up with numerous qualifications that a place of peace must possess. It must be a place where you feel welcome and at home. It is a residence where you can feel safe and loved -- a pleasant and relaxed place to be. If you feel the need to be alone, it's the perfect spot. If someone visits you, you do your best to make them comfortable and show you're happy they're there. You are a good listener. It doesn't matter how fancy or modern the home is. What counts is the atmosphere of love and kindness that's projected.

Since we recently celebrated the Thanksgiving holiday, I would hope there were many houses where people could obtain solace. And what an awesome way to view your home -- as a place of refuge.

Ellen Shuck holds degrees in psychology, religious education and spiritual direction and provides spiritual direction to people at her office.