Virtual fish make good, clean pets

We've taken in another pet.

But unlike our pet pooch, Cassie, and our pet hermit crab, Speedy, our latest pet doesn't need to be fed unless you count electricity as a meal.

That's because we now have virtual fish. The colorful fish swim across our computer screen in a virtual aquarium. There's even bubbles accompanied by the sound of an aquarium pump.

It looks almost real.

Personally, I think it's just as relaxing as watching real fish. And virtual fish are cleaner too.

There's no need to clean the algae from the tank or scoop out dead fish.

These fish are forever in motion, accompanied by changing illumination which at one point even features the fish in black silhouette.

It's great. No shells, sand, charcoal filters or aquarium plants to buy. No plastic bags of fish to introduce to the aquarium.

And no aquarium heater to buy. Without a heater, there's no chance you'll fry your fish.

As a boy growing up in St. Louis County, I had an aquarium full of fish until they were boiled by a malfunctioning heater.

Fortunately, I was away in college when the tragedy occurred.

But even before then, I dealt with my share of fish that ended up dying on the sandy bottom.

It's my experience that sick fish usually end up being dead fish. It's not like you can take your guppy or goldfish to the vet.

In my childhood, a number of fish died and were flushed down the toilet.

So I'm happy to say that this time around, I won't be plagued by any dead fish -- unless, of course, the computer program malfunctions.

But at least I know it can be fixed so it will look just as good as new. The fish will swim around amid the same virtual landscape.

I couldn't be happier with these fish, although I admit I like looking at the real thing in those glass aquariums in Chinese restaurants. But while I like to watch the real fish swim behind glass, I don't want the task of maintaining their watery world.

With the virtual aquarium, I can let the computer do the work. All I have to do is watch.

According to the World Book Encyclopedia, plants make an aquarium more attractive. But the experts point out that many people settle for plastic plants because they don't require all that maintenance. My point exactly.

The encyclopedia also notes that fish diseases can spread quickly and kill every fish in your aquarium.

Of course, by the time you notice the illness, you already have an epidemic in your fish tank.

In my mind, it's best to avoid having to play doctor to sick fish.

Naturally, there are limits to virtual fish. They don't smell like fish and they won't make your cat sit up and take notice. But otherwise, they'll give you plenty of enjoyment.

We're constantly told that pets are good for us, that they help make for happy homes.

But when you have to clean out the aquarium or the dog soils the carpet, you aren't thinking about it being a happy home.

With a virtual aquarium, none of those unhappy thoughts intrude on your pet-happy mind.

The only real downside is that your friendly fish end up losing out to computer games, the Internet and everything else that keeps your family clicking on the keyboard.

Mark Bliss is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.