Vanity, thy name is ...?

No one likes the idea of vanity. But few of us can escape it's clutches, especially as we age. That has certainly been my experience.

Since no one seems to want to talk about this "deadly sin" in public, I am left curious about what others experience when it comes to vanity and our aging physicality. I put the question out to my list of correspondents to find out.

"Vanity is kind of an old-fashioned concept, don't you think?" was the response I got from Margo, 57.

She elaborated: "I find myself more curious about those who let their looks go. Far be it from me to condemn anyone who wants to look younger, perkier or smoother. Looking good makes me feel good. Feeling good makes me look good."

Several respondents found my query timely as they were about to get a "little work" done on themselves.

One such gal, Susan, 53, was candid about it and her upcoming "lift."

"Having others perceive me as attractive can be a drug of sorts, a feeling of acceptance that would be hard to let go of."

Susan cites our culture's well-known ageism, which values youthful looks over wisdom. "It's sad when you think about it, because we're all aging every day and it takes years to really become our best selves. Although inward aging has been a peaceful journey into wisdom, outer aging is pretty scary, actually."

"Vanity, thy name is woman." We've all heard it said many times. But is that also an old-fashioned idea? One woman told me that her husband would never be caught dead buying an anti-aging moisturizer but can't keep his hands off of hers.

Timothy, 53, was honest in his appraisal of his own male vanity.

"Age hasn't changed my viewpoint on vanity as much as ageism has. The idea of cosmetic surgery was an anathema to me until I realized that looking young was important to my business. That's when a few hits of Botox and some other relatively minor touch-ups became part of my health-care regimen."

And this was the response I received from my old friend John, 58:

"I have never been vain in my life! Here's how I know for sure. I look into the mirror many times each day to check my appearance just to be sure I don't look vain. Whenever I see an attractive woman, I always suck my belly in as far as possible as a demonstration of my appreciation of her beauty. I constantly check my hair to be sure that the top of my head is properly protected from UV rays. I am very proud of my manly humility."

Perhaps joking about it is the only way to deal with one's vanity, given magazines like Men's Health that tell us constantly that we have to harden those abs, enlarge our biceps and other appendages, in order to be able to give our mates the massive orgasms they expect after reading those other magazines.

Sally, who is 58 and readily admits that her vanity motivates her to keep some high standards in terms of her appearance, shared something with me that I definitely relate to:

"I think we all -- men and women -- have an 'interior' vanity that somehow helps protect us from reality. By that I mean when you look in a mirror do you see today's you, warts and all, or do you see the you of 20 years ago? For most of us, I think it's the you of 20 years ago."

Ah, the fun house mirror of aging. How disconcerting, how mocking, how even shocking it can be.

Who is that old person in the mirror looking back at us?

Dr. Michael O.L. Seabaugh is a Cape Girardeau native who is a licensed clinical psychologist in Santa Barbara and Santa Monica, Calif. Contact him at mseabaugh@semissourian.com.