Things are better in twos

My friend Tess lost her husband recently.

"After his death, everything went quickly and with so many people around, though I missed him, his absence failed to have an impact on me until after everything quieted down," she said.

When she explained her situation further, she quietly added, "Everything's better in twos."

Although it seemed to be a simple thought, it carried enormous weight. It was a casual comment, which gave me pause for thought.

I've heard many spouses admit to that same feeling. One fails to notice the difference another person makes until he/she is no longer present.

Since realizing this, I now attempt to appreciate my husband's presence daily because I recognize his absence would create an incomprehensible void in my life. We are, indeed, better as a twosome.

My attention is brought to this awareness often as I talk with those who are widowed or divorced. Both say things are not the same by themselves. Although they try to fill the emptiness, it's a constant struggle.

While we sometimes say, "we're loners, we like our own company or we want to be a hermit," until we reach that point of no return we fail to realize its implications.

The song "No Man is an Island" explains our relationships when we sing "each man's joy is joy to me and each man's grief is my own."

Although Jesus knew he needed time alone to pray and meditate, he was, first of all, a social being. He usually traveled, preached, ate and visited with companions. We too are social beings. He even sent his disciples to evangelize in twos. (Luke 10:1)

The preacher in Ecclesiastes observed that "two are better than one because they have a good reward for their toil. If they fall, one will lift up his fellow; but woe to him who's alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up." (Ecclesiastes 4:9)

He goes on to say, "if two lie together they are warm, but how can one be warm alone; though a man might prevail against one who's alone, two will withstand him." (4:10-12)

Those are all weighty reasons for going in twos. Sometime they're husband and wife supporting each other or two friends being there for one another. Even if you're proud to say you can stand alone or you like to be by yourself, everyone needs someone to talk with or help them out -- a neighbor, co-worker, relative or someone else. Everyone does need somebody. Don't be afraid to admit you're not self-made.

Not only did God help make you who and what you are, but also the love and efforts of many helped you develop into your full potential.

Others standing by you give you the courage and support to accomplish things you'd be unable to complete by yourself. Often all you need is someone to wait for you in the car while you apply for a job; or sit with you while a loved one undergoes surgery. Regardless of the situation the smile and handclasp of another can make all the difference in our attitude and ability to handle hardship and sorrow.

Joys in life are more meaningful when someone is available to share them with. The first person on my agenda is my husband.

Although we're often forced to be alone, we have to make an effort to seek out other people to share our life with. While it's often difficult to make the first move, we can't always wait for someone else to call. We are the benefactors when we make connections because it's certainly true. Things are better in twos!

Ellen Shuck is director of religious education at St. Mary Cathedral.