The pressure to be resentful

I think one of the most socially accepted -- even socially praised -- sins of our time is resentment. We are almost expected in our society to be resentful of someone or something, and this is hard to escape. Resentment often feels good because it justifies our pride and solidifies our own "rightness."

The media, too, often takes advantage of our desire to feel resentful; the next time you consume media, count the number of stories that ask you to resent someone or something. Whether or not we feel disgruntled or justified by the media's ask of us to resent, we cannot resent the media, either, or we will be held prisoner by it.

In "New Seeds of Contemplation," Thomas Merton writes, "It may be that we regard ourselves as slaves, even when we are not dominated by anybody. It may be that we are not capable of existing except in a state in which we imagine ourselves to be under domination. In that event, resentment may help to make the situation acceptable, but it can never make us healthy. It is only a justification, a pretense that we would be free if we could. But what if we discovered that we are, in fact, already free?"

Merton goes on to administer some tough love:

"It is not that someone else is preventing you from living happily; you yourself do not know what you want. Rather than admit this, you pretend that someone is keeping you from exercising your liberty. Who is this? It is you yourself."

Sin can be identified, I believe, by its effects, which Merton alludes to his passages: disunion, unhappiness, a feeling of not being free. Many of our problems as a country and perhaps at a personal level, too, stem from how difficult it is to sacrifice resentment for grace.

The solution for freedom that Merton offers is obedience to God:

"Paradoxically, it is the acceptance of God that makes you free and delivers you from human tyranny, for when you serve him you are no longer permitted to alienate your spirit in human servitude. God did not invite the Children of Israel to leave the slavery of Egypt: he commanded them to do so."

I think gratitude is another way to begin to let go of resentment; thanking God for what we have, for our situation and for however God is drawing us deeper into himself through it. When we say "thank you," we accept, and that is powerful.

In "True Love: A Practice for Awakening the Heart," Thich Nhat Hanh writes about a student who came to him who could not forgive his deceased father; he was too angry and the pain was too deep. Thich Nhat Hanh asked the student to imagine his father as a child for five minutes each morning, until he could accept forgiveness for his father. The student did, and his resentment was eventually transformed into grace. He was able, through forgiveness, to be set free.

A beautiful thing is, we are not left alone to try to let go of our resentment; we can ask Jesus to come into it, transform it and set us free.