STRANGER THAN FICTION: DIFFERENCES BETWEEN SEXES INTERESTING STUDY

When you're a young girl with fresh ideas, you think men and women are basically the same. We all have feelings, we all need attention and care, and there's no reason why we can't all just get along. Right?

But when you've dated several men, settled down with one and become haggard and bitter, you realize there are some very real differences, and they go beyond that "a woman makes 65 cents to a man's dollar" thing.

By now, every woman has purchased or borrowed "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus," by Dr. John Gray. It's written for women because, let's face it, there are only three men in the state who would say~, "Honey, I care enough about you to spend $19.95 and several hours to improve our relationship."

No, ladies, I don't know those three men. No, I don't have their numbers, either.

Reading relationship self-help books is a strictly female thing to do. I bought "Men Are From Mars" just like all my spiritual sisters and loved it. But quoting passages to The Other Half was fruitless.

"In that book I'm reading, it says men and women don't communicate because we're figuratively from other planets," I'd say.

"Hmmmm," he'd say, barely looking up from "Midwest Racing News" and acting like the Martian he is.

A lack of interest in self-help books is just one part of a greater difference between men and women. The main thing is that women are generally the kinder, gentler gender, and we want to talk things out until everything is A-OK. Men want us to shut up and just drop it.

Take a recent spat between a good male friend and me. I did something he thought was lousy, he did something I thought was lousy, and we didn't speak for three days.

I'm sure he used his three days to register one thought: "Heidi bad. Me good."

I used my time to script our next encounter: "I'll just walk up and say, `I was really bothered by what you did.' No, no, forget that. I'll say, `Why did you ... " No, that won't work. Maybe I'll write a LETTER and ... "

After listening to me run through 50 or so potential scenarios, Mr. Half said, "Don't you get it? Men don't want to talk about how they FEEL or who was HURT. It's over. It's water under the bridge. Leave it alone, OK?"

I frowned at him. "I think we should talk about your hostile feelings."

But the Mr. Half method of dealing with male confrontation went great. No muss, no fuss, we just dropped it and everything's fine.

Let's examine another difference. When men take a drive, they think about the freedom of the road, the Coke in their hand, the wind in their hair. They just drive and drive. Sitting around bored? Heck, just drive to St. Louis! Drive up there and look at the airport! See the Arch all lit up at night! Whooooeeeee!

Women think about the mileage, potential car trouble, the late hour when they'll get home and the time they have to be at work the next day. At least that's what I think about every time I'm pulled into one of these "let's take a short drive" trips.

The "Men Are From Mars" book doesn't mention anything about the male cruising hormone, but my friend and fellow columnist Peggy O'Farrell has a really interesting theory. Call her here at the Missourian if you have a warped sense of humor.

It would take years to do a thorough, scientific study about all our different thinking, but why bother? It doesn't change the fact that we all end up in adult beverage establishments with our friends, shaking our heads and going, "(Insert gender here). Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em."

Another round for me and my friends, Harry.

~Heidi Nieland is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.