STRANGER THAN FICTION: BIRTHDAY SUIT IS REGULAR OUTFIT AT UNIQUE RESORT

Nudist resorts aren't all they're cracked up to be.

Living in Florida for Nude Recreation Week taught me two things I didn't know.

First, this observance actually exists. Second, nudists aren't the sexy people pictured on television and in movies.

You don't learn much about nude recreation in Missouri. In Florida, they call the participants "nudists" and consider the activity a celebration of the human form. Back home, we call the participants "skinny dippers" and consider the activity a celebration of Bud Light.

It's been a tough year for nudists in Florida. A couple publications quit carrying ads for nude resorts, and a right-wing politician introduced legislation to ban nudity on several beaches.

He cited the experience of a woman who saw a nude couple on the beach. The man was waving a cowboy hat. 'Nuff said.

Considering all this, Nude Recreation Week seemed the perfect time to ask the folks in Santa Rosa County's two -- count 'em -- TWO nude resorts what they thought about the controversy. My editor agreed, with the stipulation that I do the interviews in person.

The thought was a little nerve-racking. Truth be told, I did practice the nude lifestyle during the summer of 1990. I was living in a mobile home in Piedmont with no air conditioning and no money to get air conditioning. But it's not like I stepped outside for a game of volleyball or anything.

Frankly, I bought into the idea that everyone in a nude resort is beautiful and will engage in explicit behavior at the drop of a hat -- or another piece of clothing. Not so.

I was greeted at the door of Riviera Naturist Resort by George, a 67-year-old man who was wearing nothing but sneakers, a cap, a necklace and a smile. There were several similarly undressed folks enjoying the good life at Riviera, and -- sorry, gang -- none of them were going to win any awards.

But George isn't just another naked old man. He's actually gained minor celebrity status for his lack of modesty and was on MTV's "Road Rules" show in 1995. For you non Gen-Xers, that's a show where several angst-filled young people cross the country in a recreational vehicle, stopping at various interesting spots to find clues that lead them to other interesting spots. At Riviera, they had to get into a hot tub with George to find a clue.

George also has been on the local news and in the newspaper a few times. He's a veteran, a former mechanic, a leader in the Presbyterian church and a happily married man.

The point is, he and the rest of the folks at Riviera seemed like average Joes with jobs, spouses, kids, cars, etc. For some reason, they find recreation more relaxing in the buff.

Of course, I stayed fully clothed for the entire experience and did a pretty good job of looking everyone in the eye. But let's face it --society teaches us that naked people are unique enough that you'd better take a gander when you get the chance.

I wrote my article. Last week, I received a gift bag from George and his wife, Lunette. It contained two angel magnets, some decorative glass bottles and a Riviera Naturist Resort t-shirt. Is it just me, or does it seem strange for a nude resort to print up t-shirts?

I showed it to The Other Half.

"Where are you going to wear that?" he asked suspiciously, giving me that don't-I-have-to-put-up-with-enough-of-your-weirdness look. I wore it to the gym, where it didn't evoke a single comment.

Either nobody noticed, or they were too appalled by the thought of me naked to speak.

~Heidi Nieland is a former staff writer for the Southeast Missourian who resides in Pensacola, Fla.