Speak up: How to deal when you're a grown woman and still afraid of public speaking

Being asked to speak publicly strikes fear into the hearts of many people, but it doesn't have to be such a scary proposition.

It all boils down to self-confidence, according to Rhett Hendrickson, co-owner of Hendrickson Business Advisors in Cape Girardeau.

"Learning to be a public speaker without being self-confident is dooming yourself to failure," he says. "When you are self-confident, effective speaking will come naturally."

Hendrickson says there are many ways to bolster self-confidence, and one of the best is practice.

"When you are starting down the road to public speaking, write it down and practice," he says. Ultimately, the goal is to become familiar enough with what you are going to say that you are not reading your speech, but talking to the audience in a natural way with confidence.

low angle view of a businesswoman standing at a podium

Toastmasters International, a not-for-profit organization with the goal of helping its members improve their public speaking and communication skills, has a Cape Girardeau chapter that provides a platform for people to practice speaking in public.

Kimberly Earl, president of the Cape Girardeau chapter, High Noon, says the lunch meetings, which meet in the Church of Christ Annex, provide a safe place for members and guests to become more at ease in front of an audience.

"We try to get them comfortable," she says. "If you came into a meeting as a guest, I would introduce you, but we would not expect you to get up and say anything if you didn't want to do it."

At Toastmasters meetings, several platforms give people the opportunity to bolster their self-confidence.

Most speaking engagements give speakers a certain amount of time for their presentations.

Portrait of a businesswoman standing with a calculator beside a whiteboard

"All speeches are timed because when you're allotted a certain number of minutes, it's important to stay within that time frame," Earl says.

There are several ways members can hone their public speaking skills.

The first formal type of speech is called an "Ice Breaker," which is a four- to six-minute speech, and members are given constructive criticism.

"It's a good way to get some positive feedback," Earl says.

Positive feedback is very important, because people who fear speaking in public are already highly critical of themselves, and what they tell themselves is often negative.

People who are uncomfortable talking in front of a crowd frequently say, "I hate public speaking," Hendrickson says.

He recommends people eliminate that sentence from their vocabularies and supplant it with different ones, such as, "I am working on becoming a better public speaker," or "I am developing the skills to have a better impact on my audience."

Hendrickson is an endorsed trainer for the Dale Carnegie program, "High Impact Presentations." The course teaches people how to give effective speeches.

"The purpose of the course is to demonstrate the power of being externally focused on the audience, as opposed to being internally focused on ourselves as the presenters," he says. "From my experience, what we see is that we are typically internally focused, and have so much self-doubt as to our ability to speak that it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. We think we are bad at speaking, and so we are."

To compensate, people use tools in presentations and focus on them instead of trying to connect with the audience, which can be a bit mundane, such as reading the text from each slide, which Hendrickson jokingly calls "Death by PowerPoint."

He points out that PowerPoint is intended to emphasize and enhance elements of a presentation, not to be the presentation itself.

"Used properly, PowerPoint is a powerful tool to help you make your point," Hendrickson says.

Another common mistake people make is hiding behind the lectern.

"We get behind it and drive it like a bus," Hendrickson says. Doing that deprives the speaker the opportunity to use body language and hand gestures to relate to the audience.

Using humor also can be effective, not only to connect with the audience, but to build self-confidence, he says, but cautions it can be dangerous.

"It's effective when you have a good sense of humor coupled with a sense of propriety," he says. Off-color comments are never a good idea.

"If you're not a good joke teller, don't tell a joke," Hendrickson advises. "Don't try to be something you're not."

Frequently when a person gives a talk or presentation, fielding questions is part of the agenda.

At Toastmaster meetings, the "Topic Master" comes up with questions for a part of the meeting known as "Table Topics." People at each table are asked different questions and are given two minutes to answer, which helps with impromptu speaking, such as during a Q&A session at the end of a speech.

For those who don't want to jump right in and give a speech in public, or who don't have time to attend meetings such as Toastmasters, Hendrickson provides one-on-one executive coaching.

He also recommends a book written by Chip and Dan Heath, "Made to Stick."

Contact Hendrickson at rhett@hendricksonbusinesadvisors.com or 573-335-1885.