Sometimes it may be better to surrender

Often you think of surrender as weakness, cowardice or laziness. But can it be a good thing?

First, what does it mean to surrender? Some dictionaries' definitions are "laying down of arms, give in, admit defeat and submission." None of these words sounds very appealing, do they? After all, who wants to feel powerless, like he's a weakling or someone who lacks courage? To surrender means to stop trying, doesn't it? That's a less-than-attractive trait.

There are times when it is better to stop fighting against the odds after you've tried your best. Often things aren't going to change no matter how hard you try. Without surrendering what is no longer possible or useful you cannot forge ahead to discover what's new, interesting or that which suits you better now.

It's difficult to surrender especially when it's a thing you cherish. You can suffer all kinds of pain, fear and even inadequacies. You may ask, "What's wrong with me? I can't give it up yet. Yet you must continue to grow. Perhaps you need to give up opinions that are no longer accurate. Your children are leaving home. You feel the need to or must leave your present job. Your grown children may have moved back in with you out of necessity and that is certainly an adjustment. You have to give up an amount of your newly found independence and peace. But you've got to do it -- if you want to survive.

You may have been told by your doctor that you have a terminal illness and you have to deal with how to handle this dilemma. In her book "Scared by Struggle: Transformed by Hope," author Joan Chittister told a story about such a woman. Suzanne had suffered for years with terminal cancer and had undergone intensive chemotherapy. The woman came in to talk with Joan. "I'm going to stop these treatments," she said. Joan was shocked and asked Suzanne why she made the decision now. "It's almost Christmastime, the woman said, and it's my chance to see them all." Joan asked the woman to come back in after two weeks. True to her words she was right on time. Joan told Suzanne that there would be no turning back after she made the decision to stop treatment. Suzanne, however, stuck to her initial decision. "I've learned everything I can from these years. I'm ready." She had decided to surrender to what she saw as being inevitable. Suzanne was tired of fighting, suffering and exerting the effort. She chose how to say goodbye and, at least, was allowed that small bit of control.

When you must surrender a part of your life, or way of living, realize that surrender can be the road to growth. By ceasing to exert physical and emotional energy and forging on ahead you can experience new life and new experiences. Oh, but it's difficult. You become depressed, angry and feel rejected sometimes over what you must give up or surrender. You think you'll never be able to accept what life and God are expecting of you. But take a step back and rethink your situation. God does have a plan for your life and you have to listen, discern and find out what it is.

Jesus tells people how to deal with what they feel they can't endure. Matthew 11:28-29 says "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. For I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." Psalm 55:22 advises, "Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved."

Regardless of what you are facing, you must move on surrendering what's holding you back. You can't put fresh water in a bucket and keep it clear without first throwing out the stagnant.

Ellen Shuck holds degrees in psychology, religious education and spiritual direction and provides spiritual direction to people at her office.