Someone could make a fortune off disgusting habits

We're all raised with the same parental admonitions on gross behavior:

"Stop picking your nose!"

"Don't chew your nails! They'll bleed!"

"Get your finger out of your ear and get a Q-Tip."

But for some reason, we revert to gross behavior to some extent in adulthood, once we're away from our mothers' critical stare for long periods of time. Admit it.

There are disgusting habits we are perpetuating in the privacy of our own homes and sometimes, unfortunately, in the public eye.

And what can we do to break them? There's no help for the chronic harvesting of material from one's bellybutton. There's nothing to stop a person from digging in his or her ear canal. And what happens if you continually sniff your index finger? Your co-workers snicker behind your back, that's what. Sure, that's fun for them, but how is that helping you?

My worst habit, by far, is the constant rubbing of the end of my nose. Five years ago, I developed a paranoia of having unsightly matter in my nostrils. It happened when I was working a charity event in Florida and a casual acquaintance approached my ticket table with this problem.

How well do you have to know someone to encourage her to use a tissue? Apparently, better than I knew this person.

It follows that if she could have the problem, so could I, and nobody would tell me about it, either. Thus, the perpetual nose obsession.

As a child, I compulsively chewed my nails like a dog on a meaty bone. Yes, I tried that bitter-tasting polish designed to break the habit, but I simply developed a taste for it.

Eventually, I went cold turkey in junior high when (a) I got sick of having the most unsightly nailbeds in school, and (b) my best friend bet me lunch that she could grow her nails faster than I could.

Food was an effective motivator for me even then.

I tried that bet recently with a dear friend who actually chews his cuticles, which is quite an accomplishment. How he even gets those little bits of skin in his mouth I'll never know, but the effect is fairly disgusting.

The bet didn't work, as he is quite thin and can afford his own lunches.

But that's what made me think about developing a line of products aimed at helping people break bad habits. After all, there are various kinds of aids to help smokers quit: the patch, those fake plastic cigarettes, gum, etc.

Some enterprising company, say, Digustco Inc., should create the following habit-breaking products:

Cuticlette. A gum with the delightful taste of cuticles but no actual human skin cells. Also comes in orange, mint and crunchy fingernail flavors.

Earitable. Stuck to the ear cartilage, the tiny device produces a high-pitched wail when approached by a pinkie finger.

I Nose What You Picked Last Summer. Large shield that, when clipped to each nostril, deflects any attempts at penetration.

Finger Funk. Skunk-scented lotion that, when applied to index finger, assures it will not be raised to nose.

That company would make millions with the right marketing. ("Repelling girls with your constant earwax issues? Try Earitable, the new finger repellent.")

It would be like having your mother with you every single day. And everybody wants that.

Heidi Hall is managing editor of the Southeast Missourian.