Sisters will share story of faith, loss at Celebrate Recovery picnic today

St. Andrew Lutheran Church will host its annual Celebrate Recovery Picnic this afternoon, featuring testimony from sisters Holly Snell and Heather Gilion, authors of the book "Dancing on My Ashes: Learning to Love the One who Gives and Takes Away."

Joanne Erlbacher, ministry leader for the church's Celebrate Recovery program, describes the program as a "Christian 12-step program for any hurt, hang-up or habit, anything going on in our life that's interrupting the plan God has for us. That's what Celebrate Recovery is about -- giving the tools to move on in life."

The public is invited and there is no cost to attend the picnic, which starts with dinner at 4:30 p.m. and the speakers at 6 p.m. Child care will be available.

Snell and Gilion grew up in Jefferson City, Missouri. In 2000, Snell and her husband, Scott Nesbitt, were preparing to open a Christian adventure camp in Vermont for troubled teens. They invited Snell's sister, Heather, and her husband, James Brill, to stay for a weekend that summer.

On Aug. 1, the brothers-in-law left to scout out a new canoe route for a group of campers that was coming the next day. They didn't return in time for dinner, or even in time for bed.

The sisters began calling area hospitals, but there was no record of the men at the hospitals.

The next day, they reported them missing and began organizing search parties.

But around 5 p.m., the sheriff called with news no one was prepared to hear: The bodies of Nesbitt, age 27, and Brill, age 22, had been found floating in the river.

"It was not at all what I had prepared my heart to hear," Snell said.

The sisters took off in two different directions, both literally and figuratively, as they began processing the darkest moments of their lives, Snell said.

"I felt [God's] arms wrapped around me. I felt his love and comfort and peace," she recalled. "I said, 'Lord, I don't get this, and I don't like it, but I do know you are good, you are kind, you are faithful.' It was excruciating, but I was anchoring myself to what I knew as God."

But she also had her share of dark days and frustrating nights, she said.

"There were days I was upset with the Lord, and my response wasn't as sweet and precious," she said. "There were moments where it really hurt, and it hurt bad. But even in my pain, I knew God was with me, and he was taking care of me and my daughter."

Her sister's immediate response was anger, made more intense because she still was grieving the loss of their father the previous fall.

"She hit her breaking point with the Lord. She was ticked off. We had talks about how she went [that day] to have it out with God, to give him a piece of her mind," Snell said. "Spiritually, she was wrestling with the Lord, but in those moments, he quickly won her heart all over again."

After the sisters buried their husbands, they moved back to Missouri to live with their mother.

"We had three widows in the same house. We were a hot mess," Snell said.

But they got through it with help from friends, neighbors and their church family, and years later, Snell felt ready to write about their experience.

"I felt the Lord speaking to me that we should write down our journey and talk about the lessons we learned," she said. "Even if it was just for us, just another step in our healing process. Or maybe it could help people; we could share it with friends who have been through loss."

"Dancing on My Ashes" was published in 2010.

"It's hard and difficult to share our story and even allow our minds to bring us back to those painful moments," Snell said. "But our story causes us to stop and reflect and say, 'Thank you, Lord, for giving me the strength to get through this. I couldn't have done it without you.' It continues the healing process, reminding us how closely our God really does walk with the brokenhearted and save the crushed in spirit. He's been faithful to us."

Snell said she hopes their message encourages others to anchor themselves to God during difficult times, whether it's the loss of a spouse or a child, depression, cancer or some other pain.

"Anyone going through tough times and pain and loss, if they fix their eyes on Jesus ... he's our healer, the encourager of our hearts. That's the story -- it's not just about what Holly and Heather have been through, but what we all go through in different ways," Snell said.

She referenced Job 42:5, in which, after all his struggles, Job says to God, "My ears had heard of you, but now my eyes have seen you." While Snell and Gilion still have scars and pain from the loss of their husbands, they now can look back and see what God carried them through, and realize they saw and experienced God in a way they never thought was possible.

"In the middle of our darkest days, we don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Some tunnels are long and lengthy and they seem so overwhelming," Snell said. "Our prayer is that when we come and share our story, we shed some light on the hope that is Jesus ... and give you the strength to wake up for the next day, to take another step, to move toward him in life."

Learn more about Snell and Gilion at www.dancingonmyashes.com.

For more information about today's event at St. Andrew Lutheran Church, call (573) 334-3200. St. Andrew is at 804 N. Cape Rock Drive in Cape Girardeau.

rgautschy@semissourian.com

(573) 388-3633