Reporter TJ Greaney tackles the catwalk

On Monday I responded to an open casting call at Drury Lodge from an agency searching for fashion models. This wasn't something I thought I was qualified for, but I hoped it would at least turn out to be a good story.

You see, when it comes to photographs, I'm usually the one hiding from the camera. If I do happen to get caught by the flash bulb, I typically have my eyes closed and a frightened expression on my face.

Before the tryout I had the Missourian's photo department take a head-shot for me. I thought I looked like Billy Joel after an all-night bender. And my fashion sense, let's just say it's more Goodwill than Georgio Armani.

Oh well, I thought. Paris and Milan, here I come.

When I arrived, several families were lined up outside the hotel conference room. The announcement had encouraged models aged 3 months to 83 years to come in. "We place moms, dads and children" with no age or weight requirements, the ad promised.

One of the aspiring stars was 3-year-old Ryan Sangchompuphen of Cape Girardeau, who was brought by his mother. Ryan, an outgoing youngster, said he told his mom he wanted to try out because he wants to be a movie star. And he knows exactly what kind of movies he will and won't do.

"No action movies. I would be too scared of doing an action movie. I want to do cartoons," said Ryan, flashing a million-dollar smile.

Politely, I told Ryan that it would be difficult for him to act in cartoons.

"I don't draw that much, but I can still do cartoons," he said.

I guess it's good to dream big.

Also in line were Joe and Cari Harper of East Cape Girardeau. They were there hoping to start the career of their 1-year-old son, Evan.

"He's always been ahead of things. He actually walked before he crawled," said Joe, who works in construction.

During the wait, little Evan couldn't be contained, toddling up and down the carpeted hallway, into the bar; wherever the action was.

"We thought he should be on TV because he loves commercials," said Cari, who works for the East Missouri Action Agency. "He's got certain ones that are his favorites. There's one for Pet Meds that he just loves the music for. Anywhere he is in the room he'll stop and stare at the TV screen when it comes on."

There were others there hoping for a shot at fame. Zac Sanders, 9, of Perryville, Mo., said he was there to pursue his dream of being an actor like Mike Myers or Jim Carrey. Kelly Riggs, 20, of Cape Girardeau, who works the register at Bi-State Southern, said she's not interested in the money modeling would offer but would love the travel.

After a solid half-hour of waiting, Sarah Brockmeyer, a perky representative of Images of St. Louis ushered us in. To prep us for the world of excitement and glamour we were about to enter, she showed us a video of aspiring models in New York.

We watched as the magic of makeup and attitude training transformed these awkward teenagers into strutting runway stars. "You can completely apply some of the things you learn here to your personal life and make yourself a better person," said one model.

"Words can't describe how it feels to be out there," cooed another.

By the end of the film, I could almost picture myself out there on the catwalk. And then came the interview portion and a reality check.

"So can you give me three words to describe yourself," asked Brockmeyer.

Oh boy, that's a tough one, I thought. Wait, I'm supposed to be a writer, I can do this. "Ahhm," long pause. "How about funny, oddball at times, and instead of interesting I'll go with interested. Because I like learning about new things" was the best response I could come up with.

"OK," she said with a friendly smile. I muddled through the other questions, which mainly dealt with my ability to stand in front of a camera and whether I'd be free to travel for photo shoots.

"Sure," I semi-lied.

So she gave me a folded and stapled piece of paper and said to follow the instructions contained inside. "Either they'll have you call back tonight or they are not interested at this time," Brockmeyer said.

I gripped the paper excitedly, walked outside and tore it open. To my utter shock, the box telling me to call back was checked. Could they have really wanted me as a model?

Next to the box was the explanation. The kiss of death. The one phrase every blind-dater hates to hear and something models are never known for: "great personality."

And you know what? That's good enough for me.

tgreaney@semissourian.com

335-6611, extension 245