Report cards often surprise parents -- not students

NEW YORK -- It's the shock that shakes many parents out of their post-holiday daze: Their children come home with their report cards.

While less-than-stellar grades often come as a surprise, Richard Bavaria, the vice president of education for Sylvan Learning Center, urges parents to keep their cool.

Bavaria, formerly the executive director for Baltimore County, Md., Public School System's department of curriculum and instruction, says the first thing to consider is why the report card results were unexpected since the students surely knew what was coming.

"As a former teacher, my advice is -- from preschool on -- part of dinnertime conversation should be about school. Ask open-ended questions about academics, activities and their social life," he says. "That way, no surprises."

If children can anticipate the reaction of their parents to the report cards, they are more likely to share them willingly instead of leaving them at the bottom of backpacks and hoping no one will ask for them, he says.

Bavaria also encourages parents to start a dialogue with teachers and guidance counselors about their children, their performance and what can be done at home to boost schoolwork.

The second half of the school year is just starting in both college and grade school, so it's not too late. In fact, says Bavaria, it's "glass-empty or glass-full time," which means if parents and students together set realistic expectations for achievement, the year will be deemed a success when they look back on it in June.

"When you set expectations, say 'I expect the best you can do,' even if that's not all A's," Bavaria advises.

"Encourage the kids to ask for help because every child, even top students, can improve."

He reminds parents, though, that once they've had this discussion with their children, the parents need to make themselves available to assist with homework and extra assignments, and if they don't have the knowledge to truly help, the parents should work with the children to find someone who does -- be it a teacher, tutor or paid professional.

Parents' admission that they don't have all the answers is different than parents offering a list of academic failures, which shouldn't be publicized, Bavaria says.

"Parents seem to think that telling their own horror stories is OK, but it's not because it gives a signal that it's OK not to do well in math or science, or whatever. We want to be giving our kids a strong message about how important English, math, science and history is in everyday life."

Of course, he adds, don't lie, either. If parents struggled with a subject in school, they should own up to it -- and describe what they've done since then to compensate. "Tell the full story," Bavaria advises. "Explain that you struggled with a concept or that you disliked a teacher but explain how you've had to learn as an adult. Tell them to take the easy way and learn now."

Also, give children incentives. Share real-life experiences in which academic concepts have proven helpful, Bavaria says, and, if needed, offer punishments and rewards.

"In a perfect world, kids would learn for the love of learning, but ... human beings strive for rewards," he says. "I accept my paycheck every week for a job well done and that's my reward."

And, Bavaria adds, there would be unpleasant consequences if he wasn't meeting expectations at work -- just like being grounded.

However, he cautions parents not to take away privileges or go on a shopping spree in the heat of the report card's moment because these are decisions that should be evaluated based on abilities and goals. For one student, a C might mark an improvement over the previous quarter, which would merit a reward, while another student might have their Internet time docked for getting a B if deemed capable of an A.

Dealing with poor report cards

Set expectations. Not every child will earn all A's, but that doesn't mean your child should strive for less.

Set reasonable goals for improvement. Creating an improvement goal for each subject will help work toward an attainable level for each class.

Communicate with your child. Don't wait until report cards are issued to talk about school.

Discuss performance with teachers and guidance counselors. Teachers can recommend ways to help your child and point out difficulties; counselors can provide interim progress reports.

Establish a study plan with your child. Your child should keep a schedule of classes, assignments and key dates. There should be specific times set aside for studying, projects and extracurricular activities.

Praise your child's successes.