REMARKS: STUPIDITY GENERATES CREATIVITY

I guess life would be pretty boring without stupidity. Certainly we columnists would have little to write about. Still, sometimes the stupidity reaches such levels that one has to wonder.

I had heard a radio comedian joking about PETA's most recent campaign recently. Not believing it was true (even of PETA), I had to check their own web site for confirmation. Yes, the people who brought you equal rights for laboratory mice really and sincerely had been campaigning for college students to switch from milk to beer. The cows, it seems, are being exploited by the uncaring dairy people --treating them as if they were mere milk-producing machines. To hear PETA tell it, the cows' working environment must be quite stifling, unchallenging and tiresome.

Therefore PETA, whose name (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) sounds like it SHOULD belong to a legitimate organization, launched a crusade to turn those remaining milk-drinkers on U.S. college campuses (about half of which, naturally, are under legal drinking age) to drop milk drinking entirely and replace it with beer. Aping the National Dairy Association's "Got Milk?" campaign, PETA launched it's "Got Beer?" mission.

The PETA web site lists a whole bevy of benefits, including less fat, less salt, more fiber, etc. Of course, the health and happiness of the thousands of college kids is merely an added benefit. The improved career enhancement of Bessie and her fellow milk-producers is the main slant.

Surprisingly, that dastardly, narrow-minded group called Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD) had the unmitigated NERVE to complain that PETA's cow crusade would likely lead to increased numbers of traffic fatalities, rape, assaults, dropouts, substance abuse, etc. Not to mention that many of those targeted technically could not legally drink in the first place. Seemingly stunned that any legitimate organization could put such paltry issues above the career satisfaction of cows, PETA reluctantly pulled its "Got Beer?" material from campuses and sent a $500 contribution to MADD -- while patting itself on the back for bringing MADD some publicity. MADD returned the money and insisted that a link from the PETA site to its own be immediately terminated, since the "Got Beer?" crusade is still being waged on the PETA web site.

Some people are just ungrateful!

Of course PETA seems to think that boycotting milk and dairy products will lead to dairy farmers making pampered house pets out of their cows -- or maybe even letting Bessie and Bossie lease the lower 40 with an option to buy. In reality, of course, any real success PETA might have in curtailing the consumption of dairy products would lead to only one marginally positive benefit -- a lengthy sale on quarterpounder value meals.

Some other current PETA campaigns include Meat Stinks, Fur is Dead, Leather is Dead Skin, Milk Sucks, Jesus was a Vegetarian, Procter & Gamble Poisons Animals, and Abolish Slavery (by freeing circus animals). While I haven't checked each link out, I have to shake my head. Any day I expect to see a band of freed circus animals marching a picket line, with signs demanding the right to vote. Or the signs might merely read "Two legs bad; four legs good!"

Less stupid, but still upsetting is the St. Louis Cardinals' abrupt announcement that a new stadium will be constructed and in use by 2004. The abandonment of historic ball parks across the nation is finally hitting St. Louis. While Busch Memorial Stadium is not old enough to be a National Landmark, it is still an extremely significant part of St. Louis (and Missouri) history. I have yet to see an old stadium survive after its successor is completed, so I assume the old girl will bite the dust about 2005.

As a historic preservationist, I don't like this. President Mark Lamping's remarks during Saturday's broadcast also made me scratch my head. He basically said that without a new ultra-modern stadium we cannot hope to lure players like Mark McGwire to play in St. Louis. Why not? McGwire agreed to come. Benes came. Others stayed a number of years. He also said we cannot compete with other teams without a new, state-of-the-art stadium.

Excuse me? Compete how? Obviously the design of the stadium has little if anything to do with on-field competitiveness. (McGwire has certainly proved that the traditionally pitcher-friendly Busch Stadium can be hitter-friendly with the right man at the plate.) If he means financially competitive, I still have to frown. I haven't seen recent numbers, but I know the Cardinals have always drawn well -- especially in the past 20 years. Most of the new, attractive "back to tradition" stadiums are actually smaller than the ovals of the 1960s and 1970s. While I agree that the stadiums being built today are nicer than those built in the 1960s -- harkening back to the pre-World War II style of ball park construction, Busch Stadium is something special.

While it is round like its contemporaries, it has always had its own unique character -- and is in top-notch shape.

If Mr. Lamping wants to spend $12 million, perhaps he should sacrifice that money by reducing ticket prices so entire families can again enjoy Cardinal baseball. He noted, though, that the money would not have to come through new taxes, but would merely be reappropriated from other city funds. Like there is nothing more important than building another new sports stadium for the city to spend its millions on! Oh well, keeping up with the Griffeys...I MEAN the Joneses, can be a daunting task.

This job allows me to experience a lot of interesting things. Sometimes I get a chance to go back later and take a closer look at something I've previously written about. That happened twice recently.

After doing a story on Jacqui Close and her raindrop therapy of essential oils, I got an opportunity to take a treatment myself. I found it very relaxing and definitely a positive experience -- although laying off caffeine (or at least promising to_ for 24 hours afterward was difficult. I believe natural cures like essential oil-based treatments are going to continue gaining wider acceptance in the United States.

I also had a chance to see the finished product, "Music! Music! Music!" The musica review at Route 25 Hall, put on by Mike Dumey, featured six county teenagers. I had seen parts of the show their second night of rehearsals and was wowed by their polished, poised performance. The skills and work ethic of this generation of area teenagers continues to impress me.