Reflections: Praise people while you can

A woman stood mourning beside her son's casket. "He was a good boy," she said. "Even though he was a bit flighty and quite a dreamer, he was always cheerful."

"I'll miss my brother," added his sister, standing nearby.

"Things were just always more peaceful when he was around," another sibling added, "It sure won't be the same around here without him."

The mother then said, "I can find all these nice things to say about him now. Why didn't I tell him while he was alive? All I did was to tell him what was wrong, bringing out his faults. I'm so sorry." She buried her face in her hands. "But it's too late to tell him anything now."

How often are we guilty of the same crime?

This scenario reminds me of a favorite phrase my mother used: "Give people their roses while they're living so they can enjoy them." Then the scripture passage from 2 Timothy 2:24, "And the lord's servant must not quarrel. He must be kind to everyone," came to mind.

When we fail to compliment others or tell them of their attributes and gifts, are we being kind? Often people live their whole lives feeling inadequate and unlovable because no one has told them how special they are or that they're pleasant to have around.

Even though one knows he ought to be his own cheerleader and appreciate and love himself, he needs the approval of others. A genuine compliment lifts you up, and you feel warmth toward the person applauding you. You feel noticed, appreciated and loved by the one recognizing something laudable about you -- a personal quality or a talent.

Although many make it through life without a lot of people encouraging them, there is something missing. Often they shove themselves through or toward whatever it is they desire to achieve, possess or attain. Unless they're steeped in faith and scripture, they often believe they are self-made.

I've often heard, "No one ever helped me get anything," and I've detected a note of bitterness beneath their smile.

You wonder why people do not praise others and offer words to inspire and encourage them.

Sometimes people want only one child because they say they don't have room to love more, but a little love spreads all around. Loving one takes nothing away from another. Perhaps your time and attention are limited when you're over involved, but what is important is that you show and tell people you recognize their skills and individuality.

Unless you verbalize your feelings and good opinion, the person is kept in the dark. Perhaps he feels stupid, unworthy and that he doesn't matter, often because no one has assured him of his importance.

One could say that God loves him, so he doesn't really need the acclaim of others. But people are God's messengers. God placed others in our lives to do the things he is unable to humanly do.

"Whatsoever you do to the least of my brothers, that you do unto me." (Matthew 25) When we recognize the good in others, we are doing what Jesus would do if he were present in human form. "What you would that people should do to you, do to them." (Matthew 7:12)

My uncle was never one to offer many words. Although he loved my aunt and was a wonderful husband, he took for granted that she knew how much he cared. Shortly before his death, however, he told her how much she had always meant to him. She never forgot his words. Why? Because she had always yearned to hear them. Don't wait until death. Praise people now.

Ellen Shuck holds degrees in psychology, religious education and spiritual direction and provides spiritual direction to people at her office.