REAL ANSWERS: '90s PARENTING CONCEPTS SCARY, INEFFECTIVE

A Nevada mom was arrested for leaving a baby in a car in summer heat to go gambling. A Midwest mother was arrested after a bystander saw her swat her kid on the bottom, and called the police. Both women were sentenced to attend "parenting classes."

While it certainly seems appropriate to force a misguided parent to learn the proper way to protect and discipline a child, a government-run "parenting class" sounded rather chilling. I contacted one such program for more information. I was advised that parenting classes teach all areas of child rearing: changing diapers, potty training, discipline, decision-making, etc. I asked whether the instructors had successfully raised families of their own. I was told that some instructor are parents, but most are childless, single and often recent college graduates, but the entire staff, she assured me, were certified in the latest child-rearing methodology (which didn't ease my mind much.)

The program director said the most prevalent problem is improper parental discipline. "You wouldn't believe how many parents don't realize that under no circumstance should spanking or hitting be used to discipline children.

"The second most frequent problem," she said, "is not parent endangering children, but, rather parents who try to `control' their children, which stifles self-expression." She dismissed my suggestion that there is a big difference between spanking in love to bring about correction and beating, and that a parent who places gambling, drugs or anything else ahead of a child's safety needs to first rid themselves of self-defeating personal behavior before they can benefit from parenting classes. She advised me that such an unenlightened approach to discipline was antiquated and not applicable in rearing children of the '90s.

The philosophy behind such programs promotes social engineering rather than effective parenting. Steeped in secular humanism, `corrective parenting' programs are the antithesis of traditional, proven child rearing steps. For instance, parenting experts believe spanking teaches a child to use violence to resolve conflict. Experts tell us to choose words that inspire the child to behave. When words don't work, the only acceptable recourse is to place the child in `time out' mode (during which the child typically screams and trashes his room, or sulks defiantly). The Bible says, "He who spares the rod hates his son. but he who loved him disciplines him promptly." Today's social engineers have reversed this concept by teaching that love means never having to discipline a child. Discipline may, at once, be punitive (when required), corrective and instructive. It is terribly ineffective when any one of those approaches is used to the exclusion of the others.

Each new generation thinks it has created a `better way.' Today's politically correct approach encourages moral degradation through music, print and TV while frowning upon such concepts as personal integrity, accountability and morality. Instead of parents guiding their children, many young simply drift through life with little or no direction, embracing any fad or counter-culture gimmick and making heroes of people who were once considered social outcasts. Dramatic increases in crime, violence, irreverence and immorality trumpet the failure of today's dominant philosophy that strives for `good feelings' rather than teaching children to be good.

In past generations, parents, teachers and churches worked together to teach children to make proper life choices and to respect authority, which usually resulted in strong, honorable adults. Families sat around the dinner table (families rarely eat together today), where parents learned what was going on in their kids' lives. Is the child involved in inappropriate activity or violent/profane music? Who are their friends? Are they involved in illegal behavior or gangs? Children learned how to address life issues from their parents. Most parents knew their children so well that they could almost read their thoughts almost by eye contact. Likewise, they could send a corrective message to a child across a crowded room. Today, the child appears to be in control more often than not.

Parenting is tough, but it's not the government's job. Parents are charged with the responsibility to teach and discipline their children. Those who believe that discipline and moral absolutes should be avoided may have lots of book knowledge, but I'd rather depend on the book by the one who has infinite knowledge.

This column is courtesy of The Amy Foundation Internet Syndicate. To contact the author or The Amy Foundation, write or email to: P.O. Box 16091, Lansing, Mich. 48901-6091; amyfoundtn@aol.com. Web site address: www.amyfound.org