POWER PLAY: RESOLVED: CHANGE YOUR WAYS, OR DON'T

It's interesting how we intelligent, carbon-based lifeforms like to segment our lives into definitive blocks of time.

Almost every endeavor is divided up into a beginning, middle and end. I suppose it is reflective of our mortality -- you're born, you live for a while, you die.

Instead of viewing life as a continuing process, we define it in terms of start and finish. One of the most visible manifestations of this phenomenon is the yearly out with the old and in with the new that is the changing of the year.

The only thing that actually changes, of course, is the vintage of "The Far Side" calender on the desk.

The New Year is supposedly a time of renewal, but it seems an odd time of year to be talking about renewal. For symbolism's sake, spring -- a time of literal rejuvenation -- would be a more accurate beginning point for the New Year than the dead of winter.

What probably happened was a couple thousand years ago the guys in marketing decided, after extensive consumer research, that Jan. 1 would be a fine time to launch the New Year considering it's proximity to Christmas. It's easy to package and promote and makes vacation planning much simpler.

Also, they might have been trying to build popularity for Arbor Day and didn't want a springtime New Year's celebration to prove a distraction.

With two major celebrations in such close proximity, the fanatical partier can catch a wave of holiday euphoria around Dec. 24 and ride it clear into the New Year without pausing even once for a nap or outpatient treatment.

Unfortunately, on Jan. 1 it all comes to a crashing halt and everyone spends the entire day sitting immobile on the couch watching football as massive headaches pound in the New Year.

What follows, of course, are the endless resolutions to be nicer, thinner, healthier and more frugal in the coming year. Such declarations generally only last until the next time you go to a good restaurant, get invited to a really swinging party or come within 500 meters of a retail outlet.

I only make one resolution each year: to smoke and drink as much as humanly possible.

I know I can keep that one, so it spares me the guilt and frustration that most people suffer around Jan. 2 when they've already broken the promises to themselves that they absolutely, positively, cross their heart and hope someone they really don't like dies, swore they would keep this year.

Seeking self improvement is certainly a positive step, but the whole concept of not starting the improvement process until one final Bacchic experience can be enjoyed reveals a lack of sincerity.

Improving one's self follows no timetable. Just dedication to a goal.

Marc Powers is a member of the Southeast Missourian news staff.