Poor communication causes strife

By Ellen Shuck

If you had only spoken your feelings, much discord could have been avoided. Why don't people tell it like it is and take a chance?

Most arguments, hard-feelings, hurt emotions and anger are because of a breakdown in communication. The best of friends and relatives fall prey to disputes uncalled for. You thought, or they thought, things were a certain way, when, perhaps, the opposite was true. You think someone has deliberately wounded you, and maybe the other person doesn't even know what they've done.

You refrained from opening your mouth for fear of upsetting someone or maybe you pouted without the other person knowing the reason for your shunning him/her. The love or friendship of people are destroyed over nothing -- if each only understood the situation of the other.

My husband had two such relatives who ruined the relationships and lives of two families. The two men were married to sisters. The sisters had little to do with each other because of the uncomfortable atmosphere it created. The two families merely stayed away from one another and lost the opportunity to accommodate and love the other. The cousins scarcely knew they were related and were afraid to associate together -- afraid of their parents' disapproval.

Eventually, though, hard feelings were dissolved. The two men finally realized they could work a solution. In the end, the stream of discontent, hurt feelings and anger dried up. Emotions went from being like a racing river to calm water. The river was a river no more. It slowed to a mere stream, and then into nothingness. But look at the unhappiness and lost opportunities for joy and companionship the hostility caused.

No one actually won the argument; an agreement was reached. In the final analysis, both agreed, "It was a silly dispute, anyway."

Communication was re-established and the two families were united at last. However, what a waste of time -- a loss never to be regained. It was gone, with thoughts of what could've been.

It's better to approach someone with whom you're having difficulties. Often the person with whom you're at odds would be glad to discuss matters with you and try to repair the damage. Meet him/her halfway. You may be pleasantly surprised at the response. You may find they had no idea they had offended you. Through communication between the parties, it is often merely a misunderstanding -- faulty thinking.

You may say, "I don't care, I don't need them anyhow."

That is untrue; you need to extend your love to everyone and be ready to receive the returned goodwill. It makes no difference who makes the first move -- just someone needs to take the first step. It's worth the effort. Swallow your pride. That takes a big person, within.

If, however, someone refuses to communicate and let "bygones be bygones," you have to go ahead with your life. Otherwise you will perish. In Scripture, Galatians 5:15 clarifies when it says, "But if you bite and devour one another, watch out that you are not consumed by one another."

Do the best you can and hope for a reconciliation. Individuals and groups will benefit.

"Never assume anything," I once heard from a former employer. Due to my assumption, I found myself to have been wrong in my evaluation of a situation. Needless to say, I have always remembered the advice. The words apply, particularly, to communicating with others. You assumed they did a certain thing, cheated you, talked about you behind your back or don't like you. All those are results of faulty thinking. You often have little grounds for "assuming this." Yet, you're often hurt or angry because of a judgment you've made.

Rather, choose to do as Paul advised in Ephesians 4:32: "Be kind to one another tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."