On disasters, detergent, comb-overs

For every notable event that happens, there's a guy trying to make a buck off it.

Maybe that's understandable. People have to support themselves somehow.

But the sinking of the Titanic?

If you haven't seen it yet, you have until Sunday to catch "Titanic: The Artifact Exhibit" at the St. Louis Science Center. It's a really exceptional display that puts you on board that ship. You get to feel an iceberg and imagine how cold the water must have been. You see what was in people's suitcases as they journeyed across the Atlantic. You hear the music that played for first-class passengers.

And most hauntingly, you are issued a ticket at the beginning of the tour. At the end, you see whether you survived or not. I was Mrs. Catherine Barbara, third class, and I drowned along with 1,522 others.

Pretty heavy, right? Well, almost immediately after learning about my untimely demise, I was funneled through the "Titanic: The Artifact Exhibit" gift shop, which featured some of the most tacky memorabilia I've ever seen.

Take the White Star china set. Why would you ever serve a meal on that stuff? Isn't that just asking fate for an unexpected dinner party disaster of massive proportions?

And then there's the Titanic lanyard. Ah, just like they wore back in 1912.

There's Titanic rock candy, Titanic coffee mugs and Titanic key chains, magnets and 3-D puzzles.

But the worst, the very worst, was the Titanic desk toy.

It was a clear plastic box with some blue liquid, a little boat and a little iceberg. Apparently, you can play with it and crash the boat into the iceberg.

How sick is that? I mean, why not add a few floating frozen corpses to increase the fun?

---

Sometimes, working in man's world, a woman can lose touch with her feminine side and the simple pleasures that go along with being a girl.

And then a woman in my Weight Watchers group reminded me of something wonderful.

We were talking about how we have to make time to eat right and take care of ourselves, but there's so much else to do.

"What do you hate to do?" the lecturer asked.

"The laundry," one woman replied. "But I try to make it interesting by switching up my detergents."

It sounds funny, but she is so right. I got back in touch with my feminine side Saturday as I considered the perfect relationship between Tide and Downy, and how they both come in mountain spring scent now. Also, Downy comes in green and yellow in addition to the traditional pink.

Later, I painted my toenails and watched Lifetime.

---

There are things in our society that people mock constantly and mercilessly -- things that you'd only do if you were living in a cave for the last several decades.

This week, I saw a man with a major comb-over. Seriously, the hair had to be at least 9 inches long on one side to work. That means some stylist out there is breaking the first-do-no-harm rule and carefully trimming around that 9-inch section so the client will have it to work with.

Sir, you are not fooling anybody. You simply must do the Assistant Director Walter Skinner thing from "The X-Files." Just cut the remaining hair in an extremely short and very dignified manner. Women think Skinner -- the actor's name is Mitch Pileggi -- is a hottie. Chances are, they will feel the same way about you.

If not, at least you don't have a comb-over.

Heidi Hall is managing editor of the Southeast Missourian.