OFF! the Top of My Head

By Chad Armbruster

As I sit here and write my first official column for OFF!, I'm sitting in a Steak N' Shake in Arnold, MO. Why? Because as we are all aware the holidays force us to be around our families for such a length of time it should be considered illegal. I've been home for almost a week now, and every night I've had to escape to this little fortress of solitude. Now don't get me wrong, it's not that I dislike my family in any fashion whatsoever. It's just that sometimes I'm forced to think of things that I can avoid by being an hour and a half south of them at home in Cape.

For example, I have two older sisters, both of which have children. So, when we do all gather for our fun and frolicking holiday festivities I have no less than three "little people" fighting for my attention - "Uncie Chad" this and "Uncie Chad" that. Does it bother me? Not really the act itself, but more it's the thoughts that follow which are disturbing. (Brace yourself fellow Gen X-er's) I WANT TO HAVE KIDS! There I said it, it's in print, and now I can never deny it to my girlfriend. Don't scoff though, my friends, your time is fastly approaching and there's nothing you can do about it, it'll just happen. You know you're caught when you're walking around the mall and you make the same little gasp that your girlfriend makes when a cute baby goes by. (Did I just use the word cute?) See that's what I'm talking about, you won't see it coming; it'll just happen.

This month I turn 25 and even though I'm male, I too feel this clock "thingy" ticking away in me. I know I'm risking my membership to the "He-man Woman Haters Club" by saying this kind of stuff. But it just seems less important to run around with my friends and get drunk and more important to tell the woman I love that I want to get married and have kids. It's like all the bitterness associated with me and my generation is melting away to expose some type of chewy nougat center. And for those of you who know me now, talk to those who knew me in high school. Yes, I was much worse - much, much worse.

It really is hard to imagine why I would choose to take on the burden of a mortgage, a liter of kids and a car lease (which I'm sure will bite me in the end), but it just feels like I'm missing out on something. It's time for me to start living life. So, that is my New Years resolution, to start growing up and not fight the "Big Ben" size clock that is ticking away in my head. Just because it screams "danger, Will Robinson, danger", doesn't mean we can't be friends. Right?